Friday, 21 June 2013

At Least The Days Are Long, And Filled With Daylight

Shored by foundimagination
It still hurts, you know.

I'm still crying at little things.  Big things.  Memories, moments. 

My body is still sick over it all.  Literally.  My body is all messed up, stomach especially.

And my sleep.  I've woken up RACINGLY full of anxiety a few mornings.  Or woken up sure Jay must have texted or emailed to see if I was ok.

My sleep just hasn't been deep, or settled, but that's going to come, has to.

Instead of the pain being so focussed on his character change, it's centered on the things I miss.  The moments I enjoyed, *we* enjoyed together, so much.  And sadness over them not being here anymore.

I miss him.  In some moments, I miss him so much.

In others, mildly so.

And in yet others, I scoff and roll my eyes at all the things he chose to give up, in those girl power, his loss kind of moments.

But they're still slippery, those moments.

And I'm not pushing anything, either way, I'm just saying it still hurts.  And I'm still sad.

And wish he was here to hug and hold and comfort me.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are hurting. You say you wish he was still here to hug and hold and comfort you...but HE doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve your pain and he doesn't deserve any more of your energy. He used you and somehow, someway, it will come back to bite him because karma does exist. The best way to feel better is to focus on taking care of yourself and making yourself happy - physically, spiritually and emotionally! :)

Victoria said...

Yeah, you're right.

(Still hurts though)