I've thought a lot about whether or not I would talk about what Jay did that so floored me, but I don't want this to turn into a Jay bashing forum, which it very easily could. (Not that you guys are that nasty...but still.)
But I need to let it go, somehow and I also don't want it permanently recorded here because then I'd have to read about it at some point in the future.
Let's just say this.
When I've told people, anyone, what happened, none of them have wanted to believe me.
They've all said "What?" or gasped, or jaw-dropped. It's hard to believe.
It was just so disrespectful, and from someone of his age, and seeming maturity level it was completely unexpected.
And, honestly, from everything I've known of him from the six months we got to know each other and then lived together, I never saw any sort of behaviour like that. Not towards anyone. Ever.
It was that .... odd.
I really wish it hadn't happened, but it did.
And as Ray Lamontange sang to me this weekend (at which point I actually stopped the song, and looked up the lyrics to make sure I wasn't mis-hearing, and then said "curse you, music" but in a "fine, I'll take my lesson" kind of way) "Yesterday is gone, yesterday is dead, get it through your head and walk away. Yesterday is gone, ain't no use hanging on to a memory that only causes you pain."
... Like seriously Victoria, stop obsessing over what he did. The memory of it, and you hanging on to that and playing it over and over in your head is just hurting you. It's done. Move on.
Ray Lamontagne - Gone Away From Me
PS Now that I've had a bit of space from it, I've tried to give Jay the benefit of the doubt somehow on this, but really, no matter which way I try to look at it, he was incredibly disrespectful and rude, and I don't think you treat anyone like that, but especially not someone you love, or used to love, or even care about.
3 comments:
I saw this yesterday and it made me think about my past situations - and made me smile (easier for me now I am 3.5 years away from the situation)
http://tirhase.tumblr.com/post/49918713867/that-time-you-confused-a-lesson-for-a-soulmate
I've been following your blog for a while and appreciate the honesty you always display. When I read about your relationship, I was really rooting for you guys. But I was skeptic as well as I noticed issues of distance and priority between the lines.
From my experience meeting someone online can create artificial expectations and intense feelings of compatibility.
Whatever happened between you is private. We know breakups can be ugly and painful, there is no sugar coating there. But people should always stay polite and respectful.
Now at least you know were able to open up to someone,even if this time it didn't work out. That happens, someday it will.
His loss in my opinion.
Take care of yourself, that's what matters the most.
That's perfect Kate, thanks.
Thanks Liv, I do my best to keep it honest. I also feel kind of the same as what you're saying. I was really rooting for us, but I had some doubts and... concerns. But, yeah, it did remind me of how much I love loving so, that's good. Thanks.
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