Friday, 14 June 2013

You guys, I just don't know what to say.

Do you ever, maybe it's just me, find yourself in a situation where someone has said something hurtful, incredibly hurtful, and it just plays over and over and over in your head?

That's where I'm stuck.

I mean, yes, had this ended differently, I would still be sad that it didn't work, and I would be going through all the usual tears you do when a relationship ends, but on top of all that, way way more then that, is me trying to get over how Jay was this weekend.  How he acted Monday night especially, and I just keep replaying it all in my head trying to figure out why.  And who that guy was.  And why he replaced the man I loved.

It's what keeps knocking me back to head between my knees, can't breathe, confusion and tears.

I just don't see how you can be so rude, so disrespectful to anyone, never mind someone you lived with and say you loved, and still, apparently love.

I just don't get it.

I really, really don't.

13 comments:

Elliott said...

I don't know what to say. Other than I'm sorry it ended, especially in the way you describe.

My only advice is to try not dwell on things you cannot control. You cannot control how he acted/reacted. You can only control how you handled yourself and how you are handling yourself now. If you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you handled the situation in a mature, honest, compassionate, and resepctful manner then that's all you can do.

Be sad that it is over, but try not to beat yourself up over his actions/reactions.

Victoria said...

Thanks Elliott. I'm really going to try.

TheGirl said...

Yeh....guys apparently don't know how to express themselves. And they say things out of anger, because they don't know how to cry things out.

Its not your fault and he'll realize his foolishness some day.

Victoria said...

Yeah, I guess I hope he will TheGirl, but I'm certainly not holding my breath for it.

G's said...

He'll realize it some day but probably will never let you know he did.

Boys.

Victoria said...

Maybe...

The Little Black Dog said...

We will never understand - I will never understand why a guy I dated for 9 months broke up (on the phone while I was at work) with me 2 days after inviting me to a huge family event where everyone loved me and "things went so great" according to him.

It took me many months to realize I will never understand. I hope your heart has as speedier recovery, you deserve to be happy and you will - in time.

Victoria said...

Sigh...

Anonymous said...

Where is Jay from? Is he only in BC for work?

Victoria said...

Sort of...

kandijay said...

Oh, boy, have I been there.

When my college boyfriend broke up with me, he said, "Of course I never loved you. Why would I?" I broke my back once, that pain was nothing compared to those words.

He told me later that he didn't mean it, he only said it out of anger, I was the only girl he had ever loved, blah blah blah. But it didn't matter. Either he lied to me when we were together, or he lied to me when we broke up. Either way I couldn't trust him anymore.

Eventually the sting from those words dulled, I moved on, and I was happy again. But it took time. And it was hard to risk loving again, but I had to learn to embrace both love and pain, because in life, you don't get one without the other.

I doubt any of this helped, but I'm sending more hugs and good feelings, because I know you'll be ok. I am.

Kate said...

Don't even try to begin to understand the actions of someone else. My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me out of the blue and I still have no idea what happened to cause him to do that (and yes, I dumped his arse immediately). In the end, he's just not the person you thought (and hoped) you knew. It's very sad, and you need to take the time out to grieve for that loss.

*hugs*

Victoria said...

Thanks for sharing Kandijay, it does help to hear. Thank you.

Oh Kate... *hugs*