Tuesday, 13 August 2013

And I Didn't Want To Tell You

Jay was in town for a few hours yesterday.

He and two co-workers had to come in for a meeting, and he had a bit of time before they left and he asked if I wanted to come meet him downtown.

I was really nervous.  Mainly because he was with his co-workers and, as we all know, I'm not comfortable meeting people I don't know (even if I'm good at it, I still don't like doing it.)  But he gave me a big hug when I met them all and that was nice.

His co-workers wanted to see the town and very politely told us we should go do our own thing, and so we spent some time together before he had to head out.

We get along so well, and it's so nice to be with him.

I'm not sure if I'm in love with him anymore.  I think I still love him?  (But I'm not entirely sure I would bet my life on it either way.)  But I sure do miss being with him.

Time will do what it will do, and I'm happy with how I'm handling things, day by day, moment by moment. 

But here's the other part of it.  While I'm happy to have your support, I would rather not have your judgement.  I judge myself harshly enough, and I don't want to feel like this space is anything other than a safe space for me to vent and babble and talk myself through the big and small things in my life.  The "talking" that I do here... the writing, it helps me.  It helps me sort through my thoughts and make choices and decisions from there.  If someone can feel connected to or take comfort in something I write, great.  But it's more for me that I write, and I don't want to lose that.  I shouldn't cringe before hitting "publish" on a post, or worry about it at all, really.  That's what I've always valued about this place.  It's what I need.


Anonymous kandijay said...

I judge you not. I do, however, reserve the right to judge Jay. ;)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013 11:29:00 am  
Blogger Stephanie Hunter said...

I hope I've never caused you to feel that way! I think you are doing well. Better than I would be in that situation! No one can tell you exactly what the right thing is to do!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013 11:34:00 am  
Blogger liv said...

Hi Victoria, I'm glad you are feeling better with the way things are.
Regarding the judgement and comments you get from your readers it´s part of the whole blogging experience. You could choose to only publish those you are comfortable with. Maybe you could keep some posts private, in a limited access. Or only keep it in a diary?
I have a beauty blog and only started sharing personal info when I was ready. I keep more sensitive issues personal and I also filter comments because you never know. When the topic of a blog is your personal life it´s a bit more complicated I guess.
Do whatever feels right.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013 5:25:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

That made me smile kandijay ;)

Thanks Stephanie.

I've thought about turning comments off for some posts liv, I'll see how I feel, for sure

Tuesday, August 13, 2013 6:32:00 pm  
Anonymous Lesley said...

Bravo to you for sharing and I agree, why does there need to be negativity? They are your thoughts and your thoughts alone. Some might not agree that you've seen Jay a few times, but you have to do what's best for yourself and none of us know what that is. We may do things differently, if handed the same situation you're in, but that's what makes us all unique! Stay true to yourself and keep posting. I love reading. ust

Thursday, August 15, 2013 6:58:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Lesley, that's how I feel about it too. I know lots of people would do things differently, and maybe I would too at a different time,but... yeah. Thanks.

Thursday, August 15, 2013 7:57:00 pm  

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