Thursday, 8 August 2013


Had the second date.

Survived it, which... yay.

I just don't know, you guys.  It just felt uncomfortable for me.

Not all of it, but overall.

I feel like he was uncomfortable but not in a way that most people would particularly notice.  And, certainly I was uncomfortable.  And, like, the conversation was fine, but when you're in a noisy, busy pub, it's hard to have a conversation and it's hard to hear and plus this is still a stranger and so it's not easy and relaxed.

When I got home, I was so sad.  I missed Jay so much.

It just felt so opposite from what it was always like with us.  Always just so easy, and comfortable and relaxed.

I cried.  Called some friends, but no one was home.  Ended up texting Jay to see if he was busy and he called and we talked.

I told him I'd just been on a date and it had made me miss him.

We talked about what's been going on in our lives, work and the like.  I told him again that I missed him, missed us.

He told me he missed Victoria.

I sort of joked it off, but told him that wasn't very nice.  He said he was "trying to toughen me up."


I'm still annoyed by that.

But, anyway.  I don't know.  I think this dating process is never going to be comfortable, easy, or fun for me and I don't want to blow off this guy because he's nice, but I don't know if it'll turn into anything on my end.

So I don't know if I just keep hanging out with him.  I can't handle the idea of another "date" like situation, but how else to you get to know someone?

All I know is that at the end of the second date, I just wanted to come home and have Jay lie down with me on the couch and hold me.

And I keep thinking about it.  I don't know that I miss him, exactly, but I sure as heck miss the relationship.  A lot.


Anonymous Jen said...

Maybe you're just not ready. You gave it a shot with this guy. If you're really not feeling that interested it's okay to let him know. Maybe you need more time to grieve over the loss of your relationship.

Thursday, August 08, 2013 8:37:00 am  
Anonymous kandijay said...

He's trying to toughen you up? What is he, your drill sergeant? If my ex said that to me, I might punch him in the nose. Not that you are me, just sayin'.

I know what you mean about dating not being fun. It's not for me, really. I put so much pressure on myself, not just because I want to make a good impression and all that stuff that everyone wants, but also because I feel like I never know if I am giving up too early, or if I'm trying too hard to see a connection. I never know if it's a good fit that just needs time, or if we don't have chemistry and we just need to move on.

Yeah, I suck at it. I always have this fantasy that I will get to know a guy as a friend and that we will just figure out a mutual attraction as times goes on... But my life isn't a romantic comedy.

You give me hope that I can make it through stuff I don't like and come out ok. So keep on keeping on...

Thursday, August 08, 2013 8:39:00 am  
Blogger Sabrina Marie said...

hmmmm kinda thinking to early/just not that into him or you'd be left wanting more? Or have you always felt this way.. no matter how interested u are?

Thursday, August 08, 2013 12:25:00 pm  
Blogger G's said...

Well I think Jay was right in trying to toughen you up... Calling your ex to tell him you went on a date and that made you miss him... sounds... very weird to me.

Date didn't work out... move on!

And be happy that you respect and know yourself enough to recognize that this guy will not bring you what you want or need in your life to go forward at this moment.

Thursday, August 08, 2013 12:41:00 pm  
Anonymous Kate said...

So when I broke up with the dreaded ex I turned to this for guidance. I can't say I agreed with or followed all of the advice, but what I did do was the "60 day No Contact rule". Best. Decision. Ever.

The next guy you date after a break up is usually the "let me get my sea (dating) legs back" guy. Don't be too hard on yourself :-)


Thursday, August 08, 2013 5:43:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jen, it's hard to know if I'm not ready, not interested, or just not comfortable. But I'll let him know once I have a little more of an idea what's going on.

Kandi, it didn't annoy me until later. Or I might have punched the phone ;) And you totally said it right "I feel like I never know if I am giving up too early, or if I'm trying too hard to see a connection. I never know if it's a good fit that just needs time, or if we don't have chemistry and we just need to move on." Yup!

That's what I'm trying to figure out Sabrina.. it is a just not that interested or it's just uncomfortable no matter what? I think I've been more comfortable with other people, but this guy has some potential for sure.

Yeah, I hear you G's.

I'll take a look at that right now Kate, thanks :)

Thursday, August 08, 2013 5:47:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to just being in the moment? Or was that just something you did with Jay? You're definitely overthinking the date thing. Just be in the moment. Listen to what he's saying instead of worrying about what other people are thinking about you. Just because you make up stories about the people you see doesn't mean they do. They're worrying about their own issues.

That said, you certainly don't sound like you're over Jay no matter how much you insist you are. Perhaps it is too soon to be dating? You keep seeing things through the filter of when-I-was-with-Jay

Thursday, August 08, 2013 10:23:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yup, I'm still working at being in the moment, it's going to be an ongoing thing.

Friday, August 09, 2013 9:28:00 am  

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