Sunday, 17 November 2013

Aww F**k

And So Castles Made Of Sand by foundimagination
I usually tell myself to breathe before I type out a post when I'm this hurt, but I don't care right now.  The it's so heavy to be this sad blanket has just been thrown over me and I've stopped crying long enough to be able to try to form thoughts.

I decided that I would be kind of "girl power" and I went back to the online dating site.  I was just going to look around and see, but then there were a few good looking guys with nice profiles who seemed like good people so I messaged them.

A couple of them got back to me, and I started messaging back and forth with one yesterday.

And that's always the fun part, seeing what they'll say when they message you back.  Or how long it takes them to get back to you, and if they seem funny, or interesting, or whatever.

And so we were chatting a bit and then somehow things, from his end, turned flirty.

"Do you like showers or baths?"

I know that doesn't seem too flirty, but I've been around the block before, and I know when things are going in a particular direction.

"Well that totally depends.  Both can be good."  I wasn't entirely comfortable with going down that road so I politely steered away.    "Which tv show is your favourite out of these two?" 

"The first one.  A shower can work for two... so can a bath.  Top or bottom?"

At this point I was feeling rather uncomfortable.  I'm not on the site for hookups.  Generally people who are indicate it in their profile.  Maybe I was just... over-reacting a little and it was all in good fun?

"Well, you're just going to make me blush."

But he didn't take that out either.  Gave me his number, told me I could call or text him.

I didn't want to, until I'd cleared things up a little.

"Hey, just wondering why you took the conversation that way when we haven't met yet.  Felt a little like you were looking for a hookup?  That's not my thing, by the way."

And then he deleted all our messages.

Which, I guess is an answer in and of itself.

But it was just enough to send me over the edge.

Jay is a selfish guy.  Selfish and self-centered.  But he was never sleazy.  He may not be good to me, but at least he cared (as best he was able.)

I try to move on and all I do is run into a guy who seems great, but also only seems to want to get into someone's pants.

I feel like I just can't win.

And all I want is to be loved and to love.

This just made me want to go running back to Jay and take the devil I know.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow but right now I'm just so sad and upset and hurt.  Men are not my favourite right now. At all.

14 Comments:

Blogger Matt79 said...

Ugh - sorry to hear that you happened to encounter this douchebag at a time when you're feeling tender already. I think it's ridiculous that some people are so rude online. Deleting your messages? What is this guy - eight years old? "Wah wah wah, internet woman won't talk sexy shower time with me, it's not fair, I'm going to throw my toys out of my pram, wah wah wah." I think these sites should have ways to rate people on their manners or lack of.

Sunday, November 17, 2013 11:55:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, it was pretty lousy timing for sure Matt.

But your comment just made me laugh, I love the visual! Thanks! :D

lol

Sunday, November 17, 2013 11:57:00 am  
Anonymous kandijay said...

*hugs*

"And all I want is to be loved and to love."

My feelings exactly, sister.

Sunday, November 17, 2013 12:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

*Hugs*

Sunday, November 17, 2013 1:01:00 pm  
Anonymous Dominic said...

> Men are not my favourite right now.

Yup: We're all b***ards!

I recommend a teddy bear + hot water bottle. Far more reliable.

Sunday, November 17, 2013 1:04:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

No... no you're not. Just some of you. Just like some women are b*****s.

But, yes, my teddy has been with me through it all, and hot water bottles are nice and cozy too!

Sunday, November 17, 2013 1:13:00 pm  
Anonymous Kate said...

Perhaps the universe is telling you that you are not ready to go out there just yet - that maybe the hurt you have had to feel with Jay is just a little bit too raw right at this very minute.

Be kind to yourself, take a little time *hugs*

Sunday, November 17, 2013 2:31:00 pm  
Blogger Sanibel Gal said...

I have done the online dating on again and off again - and each time I become disheartend by it more quickly each time. *sigh* doesn't anyone meet the old fashioned way anymore - I am not even sure what that is but it has to be better than online dating. Hang in there.....

Sunday, November 17, 2013 3:25:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe it's for the best, you know what the guy is like straight off the bat and to be honest, why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? There are nice guys out there and there will be one for you, they tend to show up when you are least expecting them. Take some time out, drink and have fun with your friends.

Sunday, November 17, 2013 5:40:00 pm  
Blogger Sabrina Marie said...

Online dating is tricky navigating! Myself I always closed out & deleted men who did that at the very first hint of innuendo. With no explanation. Once you've had a few men do it.. you can sniff out the signs immediately. I figured if you are willing to disrespect me that easily, I don't owe you any explanation as to why I'm ending the dialogue. I found far better quality of conversation on the sites where you paid. It tended to weed out the bored, naked men sitting at a computer!! I don't recall one instance of this this of thing on match . com.

You are in a more sensitive state still? I feel that once you put to rest the involvement with Jay, and the repeated hurt, you will be in a better place to move forward. The wound keeps being picked and begins with afresh healing each time you engage him and invest in him.

I hope your week starts off with some fresh enthusiasm for all the other great things in your life :) <3

Monday, November 18, 2013 7:15:00 am  
Blogger Katherine said...

Hello. I broke up with the love of my life in July due to major differences in religion. Basically he has to marry someone with his religion. Anyway this whole year has sucked especially this summer. It is getting better now but not a whole lot. I told myself I would try online dating again in Dec. But I really don't want to. And your story is one of the million reasons I don't want to. I would like to say though that after we broke up in July we continued to talk and text until about a month ago and finally I had to put an end to it. It sucks and I hate it but it really is easier to just stop all contact. Otherwise your wound does keep opening back up. So maybe take some time to just be. Forget men. Do stuff for yourself. Personally I sleep a lot (hahaha I know- depression) but it has helped to just not even think about dating. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. There are other people out there who are equally miserable.

Monday, November 18, 2013 10:10:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's sad that you're hurting, but going back to Jay is setting yourself up for even more heartbreak. Your brother was right when he called it. Jay keeps treating you that way because you allow him to. You're such a lovely person and you deserve someone who'll make you a priority instead of an option

Monday, November 18, 2013 11:45:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really think the best thing that could happen would be if Jay met someone else and moved on. I totally understand it's hard to cut off contact with him as it's better than nothing, but believe me, if you do break ties, it will only get better. And then you'll create a space in your heart for someone new and deserving of you.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 1:59:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Universe could be telling me that Kate, that's true. But I'll be kind to myself regardless ;)


SG, it would be interesting to try online dating in different cities to see how/if it varies, eh? But I do wonder why so many people seem to no longer meet "the old fashioned" way. Are we all that much busier?

It's so true Anon, best that I find out that guy is like that from the bat, eh? And, yes, there are super nice guys out there, that's true too.


I think it was really bad timing Sabrina Marie but also (thankfully) my first experience with this kind of thing online (that I can remember) so it was very "huh?" for me.

Oh, Katherine, hugs! I'm so sorry you're going through this. It gets better... with time. Hang in there!


Thanks Anon.

Well Anon, I think the better thing than Jay meeting someone and moving on would be me meeting someone and moving on! ;)

Tuesday, November 19, 2013 12:29:00 pm  

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