Wednesday, 12 February 2014

People

I have a really hard time when people don't follow through on what they say they're going to do.

And I'm trying to own whatever may be my part in it, maybe my un-spoken expectations or something, but I don't know, it just makes me really angry.

Like, viscerally so.

Jason was going to make me dinner this weekend.

Which I was already having a weird time with because no one's really done that for me in a while, if ever, particularly and so I didn't know how I felt about a guy wanting to be nice. 

But I had that expectation.  That I would deal with him making me dinner and how that all might feel. 

Friday came and when I heard from him after work he wasn't feeling well again so I figured it wasn't happening.  That was never stated, and maybe I should have asked for clarification, but I guess I just figured it was politer not to ask the person doing me a favour when, exactly, said favour might be happening. 

We chatted a bit about dinner on Saturday, but Saturday morning, I got a text from him saying some family stuff had come up and he was having to unexpectedly deal with it.

So I sat and waited.

Which I hate doing.  Hate feeling like I'm on someone else's time and that I'm waiting around for them to bestow the great gift of their time and energy on me. 

By five thirty, I hadn't heard anything about the evening, so I sent him a short checking in message and went ahead and started making my own dinner.

But I was mad.

Angry.  Annoyed.  Irritated.  Disappointed.  Whatever. 

I ate.  Stewing.  And after dinner, he texted back that he was just making some food.

Um.  Ok.

Fine.

But not.

I mean, I know that sometimes you get thrown a loop and plans change.  And maybe it's my fault for not asking clearly if he was still planning on coming over.  I guess I didn't want to ad to his stress or whatever, but I also feel like there's a certain politeness when you make plans with someone and can't or don't want to follow through on them.

Maybe it's my bad for not making the plans concrete enough once I knew his day wasn't going "normally" I don't know.  I just know I don't like wondering and felt really angry at him for not following through and even more, for not letting me know.

I'd washed my hair.  Tidied my apartment.  Expected company.

Instead, I sat and waited to hear, and even then I didn't hear what I'd expected.

Maybe it's why I'm often vague about committing to plans... maybe I don't want to do the same to someone else that I hate having done to me.

It reminded me all over again of Smith asking me how I felt about getting flowers at work the week before Valentine's day and then asking me what was the name of my workplace and then nothing happening.  Makes me feel like an idiot for looking forward to something when the person doesn't follow through and it doesn't happen.

And I hate feeling like an idiot for hoping for the best.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Chris said...

I understand totally Victoria. I constantly have people say they will do something and then don't.

If I say I'm going to do something and commit then I'm there to do it. If for some reason I cannot, then I reschedule and have a good reason.

I find that society in general has trouble with commitments and following through when they say they will do things. Maybe it's part of the "ME" generation?

Anyways, totally understand your frustration. Hopefully things will be better! Take care!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014 4:42:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Chris. Sorry to hear you share my frustrations but glad I'm not alone I guess. *hugs*

Wednesday, February 12, 2014 7:59:00 pm  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

I hate not following through on something I said I'd do, and often find myself following through even after it's kind of a bad idea.

Mostly because I hate when people do that to me. But really, sometimes it is unavoidable and when your plan gets messed up, sometimes you just forget.

Still frustrating, though. :/

Friday, February 14, 2014 11:52:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

I get what you're saying, totally... and yeah, it still can be frustrating even when you know it couldn't be helped!

Friday, February 14, 2014 4:30:00 pm  

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