Thursday, 19 June 2014

Oh

I've run into a bit of a financial hiccup and my parents have kindly offered to help me if I need it.

I told them I thought I'd be fine, but thanks for the offer.

This weekend, when I was over there for Father's Day, my Mom made another offer to pay me back for the time I took off work back when Dad was having his heart surgery.  I told her that no repayment was necessary, and she practically rolled her eyes at me.

"Has anyone ever told you you are very hard to help?"

Which struck me, because I feel like it's something Jason may have said to me in the last little while.

And it's certainly along the same lines as something Connor said to me when he was trying to help me cool down at Burning Man.

Why is it so hard for me to accept help?

I don't even know where to start looking for answers.  But I think it's becoming clear I need to figure it out.

5 Comments:

Anonymous kandijay said...

I'm definitely the same way. I had surgery last month, and aside from my mom and my best friend, I didn't want to tell anyone, because I didn't want the flood of attention and offers to help.

I think it's a combination of trying to be an independent woman for so long, and being a nurturer. You know, I'M the one who helps, not the one who is helped.

Thursday, June 19, 2014 8:26:00 am  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

Maybe we're conditioned to see accepting help as admitting to weakness and failure. Somehow needing the assistance of other people is a reflection on your failure? That might be part of it.

Another part might be that accepting help creates an implied debt, and sometimes we don't want to be in the position of owing the helper. Maybe you feel like you won't be able to repay them, or like what they might want in return will have a disproportionate cost. A ride to the airport, for example, being turned into an implied promise of romantic interest down the road. Or accepting aid from a parent means they suddenly feel like they can return you to the "you're just a kid" box of telling you how to live your life.

Combine those two elements, and it suddenly makes sense why offers of help and assistance get rejected, I think.

Thursday, June 19, 2014 9:24:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

I hope you're healing well kandi?

Could be that Jason, for sure. Good points.

Thursday, June 19, 2014 2:24:00 pm  
Anonymous kandijay said...

Feeling much better, and down 17 pounds! (I had a big tumor, but it wasn't cancer, yay me!) Thanks for asking. :)

Thursday, June 19, 2014 3:06:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well, I'm glad you're healing! :)

Friday, June 20, 2014 12:00:00 pm  

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