Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Back To Life

I felt really good when I got back from Burning Man.

Like, really good.

I felt relaxed and happy and like everything was right with the world.

Jason said I looked radiant.  Gorgeous...or stunning, I don't remember anymore, and he said he'd never seen the changes Burning Man could have on someone in person.

He's the only one who noticed anything particular.  Some folks told me it looked like I'd toned up.  (I guess biking for a week will do that to you) and people mentioned I "looked good".

I tend to get compliments when I've had a bit of sun.  I'm a very pale person and although I'm not a fan of skin damage, a little bit of a tan suits me.  I always get told I look healthy.

So I got some of that too.  I felt like I came back more attractive than I was when I left, and that was a feeling thing, not a how I actually look thing, although the Playa hair and tan and relaxation did help somewhat I suppose.

I still feel good, I guess.  But as I told Jason when he said he wanted to shoot how I was looking, I was pretty sure it would fade.  It's hard to be confronted with the reality of day to day life and the lives of those around you and the bitter and the stressed and the angry and to keep feeling relaxed and free and...perfect.

But I guess I just wanted to point out that the way I felt coming back this year felt like a 180 from how I felt when I came back last year, and that's been awesome.

I didn't come back feeling ugly and unattractive.  Maybe I almost came back feeling the opposite.


Jason Langlois said...

Is it weird that I feel like I'm missing out not being able to see that change and glow? Like that's at least one element of the Burning Man experience that words aren't going to really manage to convey.

Also, it make me sad to think of how the every day routine is going to wear away at you feeling perfect. I really hope you manage to hold on to most (since I couldn't expect you to hold onto all) of how you felt, because it sounds pretty wonderful. I think you can.

I do think, from reading your blog this last year, that the process of your feeling not ugly and not unattractive has been happening for awhile. Burning Man 2014 might just be a convenient marker for the change, rather than the catalyst?

I guess what I'm probably thinking/trying to say is that from what you've been writing for the last while, you've been doing really well at keeping the bitterness, stress and angry away, and bringing the relaxing, beautiful and attractive in. Which makes me hopeful you'll manage to hold on to your feeling good (if not really good, because *things*) for a lot longer.

kandijay said...

That dog looks seriously annoyed. Did you ask his permission to take his picture? ;)

Welcome home. Glad to hear the experience improved this year. Does that mean next year with be even awesome-er? You could be queen of the world!

Victoria said...

Oh geez Kandi, I didn't ask, d'oh! ;)

And yes, I expect each year to just be awesomer than the last for sure :D

Ahhhhh Jason... you are most excellent, really and I so appreciate your thoughtful words. And... thanks for the insight, you might be on to something! :)

Victoria said...

And, no, it's not weird I don't think :)

Jason Langlois said...

Ah, you're too kind. You're the one who's doing all the hard work, after all. I usually feel like I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Elliott said...

I'm glad you had such a good time and came back feeling so good about yourself. I really hope you can find a way to bottle that feeling and keep the bottle near by unti you go again.

Like I've said before, I truly think you are hard on yourself. You come across as a smart, articulate, fun, and good person. From the couple of partial pics you have posted, I'm guessing lots of people enjoy looking at you. I suspect the confidence you have developed in the past year is a large driving factor in how you felt when you got home.

Try not let the everyday grind dull your shine.

Victoria said...

Maybe that's what's great Jason, I just babble and then let it go, so it's not "obvious" at all to me... I barely have any idea what's going on. So to hear an outside opinion from someone who has space? Is great. Especially when it's positive and suggests what I've been working at is... working :)

Strangely (or maybe not so strangely) enough E, I have a little bottle of playa dust on my kitchen table. Am hoping that will help.. somehow ;) Thanks. For the compliments... reminders not to be so mean to myself and for the cool thought.... "try not to let the everyday grind dull your shine" I like it :)