Monday, 19 January 2015
A Little Ouchy Right Now
It's one of those "multiple of five" birthdays and people seem to have expectations of me "doing something" for it and that makes me feel like I'm missing out or somethings and it's become this big comparison thing the last week or two of me comparing myself to what I think I'm "supposed" to do for my birthday and trying to reconcile that with where I am in my life and, no, there is no t.v. show husband to throw me the surprise birthday party with 50-60 of our best friends in the back of his bar that he's closed down for the night. I don't have that.
My brother too, when I said I didn't really know what I was doing for my birthday said that answer was unacceptable, I had to party!
It made me cry.
He backed down that weekend and said whatever I wanted to do was perfect, he just wanted to make sure I was happy and I know that people mean well but it's hard.
Jason's got a photography show in town and another exhibit halfway across the world and even if he wasn't wrapped up in prep for that a) he can't afford to treat me on my birthday and b) we're not together anyway.
So I feel like I'm trying to stay happy and relaxed while fighting off the imaginary voices that are telling me I'm SO not where I SHOULD be and EVERYONE else is because I know those voices are just making stuff up but I'm also feeling lonely and... single I guess and the Christmas-birthday-Valentine's day stretch is hard when you're single. Even though the days are getting longer and therefore brighter.
I had acupuncture this weekend to try to settle my body so I can start sleeping well again and there was an amusing moment when my credit card wasn't going through and we were both confused as to why and then she realized she had accidentally typed in seven million five hundred thousand rather than the usual seventy five dollars.
Can you imagine having a credit card that would have allowed that to go through? Yeah, just put the seven mill on my card, no biggie!
Anyway... I'm hoping by this time next week I will be feeling.... better.
Except apparently at boot camp you have to do "birthday burpees" and so this week's boot camp might make me die.
If so, it was cool knowing you....
love, Victoria...killed by burpees.