Monday, 19 January 2015

A Little Ouchy Right Now

Yesterday was a year to the day that Jason and I first messaged and then talked.  

My birthday is very soon (for anyone else with a January birthday, I totally bought an extra advent calendar and have been chocolate-counting-down all month, try it, it's fun!) and I've always just avoided talking about my birthday here, but this one's causing me some ouch.

It's one of those "multiple of five" birthdays and people seem to have expectations of me "doing something" for it and that makes me feel like I'm missing out or somethings and it's become this big comparison thing the last week or two of me comparing myself to what I think I'm "supposed" to do for my birthday and trying to reconcile that with where I am in my life and, no, there is no t.v. show husband to throw me the surprise birthday party with 50-60 of our best friends in the back of his bar that he's closed down for the night.  I don't have that.

My brother too, when I said I didn't really know what I was doing for my birthday said that answer was unacceptable, I had to party! 

It made me cry.

He backed down that weekend and said whatever I wanted to do was perfect, he just wanted to make sure I was happy and I know that people mean well but it's hard.

Jason's got a photography show in town and another exhibit halfway across the world and even if he wasn't wrapped up in prep for that a) he can't afford to treat me on my birthday and b) we're not together anyway.

So I feel like I'm trying to stay happy and relaxed while fighting off the imaginary voices that are telling me I'm SO not where I SHOULD be and EVERYONE else is because I know those voices are just making stuff up but I'm also feeling lonely and... single I guess and the Christmas-birthday-Valentine's day stretch is hard when you're single.  Even though the days are getting longer and therefore brighter.

I had acupuncture this weekend to try to settle my body so I can start sleeping well again and there was an amusing moment when my credit card wasn't going through and we were both confused as to why and then she realized she had accidentally typed in seven million five hundred thousand rather than the usual seventy five dollars.

Can you imagine having a credit card that would have allowed that to go through?  Yeah, just put the seven mill on my card, no biggie!

Anyway... I'm hoping by this time next week I will be feeling.... better.

Except apparently at boot camp you have to do "birthday burpees" and so this week's boot camp might make me die.

If so, it was cool knowing you....

love, Victoria...killed by burpees.


Elliott said...

January baby too...last week. This is the first birthday that has made me, well, something other meh, it's a day. We tried to do some birthday stuff but were foiled at every attempt...I didn't get til 9:30pm on my birthday, tried to do stuff with the kids on the weekend, but my dad ended up at emerg with the flu, and now I'm sick, and mom is having heart surgery tomorrow.

So, meh. I hope you get to do something fun with C-Dawg or other friends.

Jason Langlois said...

I really hope the burpees don't kill you. I would be sad all out of measure.

Just imagine the interest on $7M on a credit card? or the minimum payment? We're talking Bill Gates territory there.

Jonathan said...

My only experience of anything like "having lots of money" was when my parents provided backup for my first house purchase in case the mortgage didn't go through in time. The agent was talking to the seller on the phone and said "this young man has access to family funds to purchase the property outright if there are any issues with the mortgage - it doesn't get much better than that - I advise you to accept" lol

Victoria said...

Oh, E... BIIIIG hug. I'll send positive vibes for your Mom.

Burpee death would be way not fun Jason... And I think the minimum payment would likely be more than I make in a year! ;)

Jonathan, I feel like your agent should have done the finger snap head bob when making that call! :D

Army of the Frenetic said...

A $7.5 million acupuncture treatment...those little needles have got to be dipped in the Fountain of Youth and the masseuse no less than a God from Greek mythology. Or Norse, whatever rocks your boat.

And thanks for the warning. My heart stopped when you wrote, "If so, it was cool knowing you."

But you will let us know when your birthday is, right?

Elana Elizabeth said...

I totally related to this post. I have a February birthday and I am turning 30 this year, and I don't feel even close to where I want to be and all of the questions are coming in about what I am doing for this big birthday. I know in the scheme of things it won't be that big of a deal, but it can feel like my world is about to crush in on me some days. From the loneliness and the wanting and the hoping. My birthday is also exactly a week after valentines day. ugh. So I feel ya, and I am not sure how you manage to always write so beautifully exactly what I feel like. Thank you.

Victoria said...

AotF, it's this week and that's close enough! :)

Hugs Elana...

Yvonne said...

Er, even if I were registered in a bootcamp WAY I would go on my birthday. lol (I'm this week too, btw!)
My BFF has a yearly birthday plan which has worked out well for her that I plan to adopt too - she takes herself out on a date! Goes to one of her favourite restaurants, has a fancy girly drink with her meal and pretty much does whatever she likes (within possibility and reason. lol). Past birthday plans were always complicated due to conflicting schedules, friends/family who don't get along so great, and juggling respite workers for her mom. So this is how she rolls now. (Thankfully I do still get to see her on her birthday when our planets align!)

Victoria said...

Happy Birthday to us all! :D

And, I'll be doing something similar to what your friend's doing I think probably with C-Dawg in tow ;)

Duff said...

Happy Birthday!

It's a shame the $7.5m wasn't a bank teller mis-typing it into your account. That would've made for a good birthday treat.

Victoria said...

Ooooh that would have been lovely! ;)