Thursday, 6 August 2015


I did end up hanging out with that guy again (Jason's friend.) 

He's not been well, so instead of going for a walk, we just hung out at my place.  Which I appreciated, as he said he wanted me to be comfortable and I always feel more comfy at my place than in someone else's. 

So we hung out and talked about who knows what, and no, we didn't smooch or nothin.

I feel like I had too many walls up to kind of let myself do that.

I did bring it up though, because really, after the openness and honesty of my relationship with Jason, I'm not going to bring a new person into my life if we can't just be totally honest and upfront.  So as much as I didn't REALLY want to I made myself be honest and tell him that, yes, I find him attractive and part of me wouldn't mind smooching and stuff but that I kind of didn't really know what to do with that information.

Either it's always this awkward when you're first getting to know someone and I've just forgotten or I feel extra shy with this guy.

I think I snuggled against him at some point but I really did feel reserved and cautious and he headed home and I was like.... ergh?

We exchanged a "that was cool, thanks" message that night and I checked in with him a few days later (he's busy with work and health) and.... that's it for now.

Honestly, I was hurt at first.  Kind of like, really?  You're back to ignoring me again?  But that passed after a while and now I'm just... neutral.

Maybe we'll hang out again at some point in the future, maybe not.  He knows how to contact me if he wants to hang our or smooch or some combination of the above.  What else can I say?

I'm going to be busy anyway, with a trip and then back and then off to Nevada for Burning Man, so whatever opportunity we may have had to have a smoochy fest has receded as the days have gone on.

But that was on my mind for a week, I guess.  Probably the week after the wedding when I was extra tired by everything anyway.

So yeah... an update of sorts, but nothing terribly juicy.

Honestly, it was that sigh of remembrance.... how gnarly it feels to want to kiss/touch someone but to be also feeling shy and nervous and not sure how to make it happen or how to interpret his attempts at making it happen... I am long out of high school, I swear.  But it felt just the same.

Le sigh.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"He knows how to contact me if he wants to..."
Always remember that^^^
If he felt something and wants to see you again, he'll put in the effort. If not, so be it...move on. Don't waste time or thoughts on someone who's not smitten...because when a person is smitten, you'll know it and you won't have to wait around wondering what's going on.

I've read your blog for years but this is my first time commenting. I really want you to know...rather, believe...that you are worth someone putting in so much effort it will overwhelm you with happiness. It will happen. And when it does, you won't have to guess what your person is thinking or feeling...because they will be right there beside you telling you, even before you have the chance to wonder.

Thursday, August 06, 2015 2:04:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Awww, thanks for commenting!!! That made me happy :) And yes, you're right ;)

Thursday, August 06, 2015 8:55:00 pm  

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