Saturday, 5 September 2015

Ouch

The week before my first trip, Jason and I went to the beach to get some sun and down time.

On the way back, we stopped at a pub to grab some food, and something I don't even know that I want to talk about, because it upset me, happened.

Jason is often friendly with strangers, and at times this bothers me because I just want to be quiet.  But this particular day he'd had a few beers and was social and loud.  So he started up a conversation with a random guy across the bar and it turns out this guy grew up in a town near me so we chatted a bit once Jason and I had eaten.

I really just wanted to get home but Jason was in chatty mode so I grinned and put up with it and tried to make the best of it by reminiscing with this guy about high school parties and the like.

At one point, Jason got up to go to the bathroom and the guy turned to me and said "that guy is super creepy, you should run and have nothing to do with him."

He said a few more things, but that's the gist of it and I had no idea what to do.

My "politeness" kicked in and I just sort of kept a smile on my face and nodded and didn't say anything too much, other than no, he's a good guy, he's just a little drunk and, well, I didn't know what else to say.  This guy went on to tell me that Jason's a bad photographer and I shouldn't be working with him and he could find real photographers for me.  I just listened.  It was... awkward to say the least.

I got the bill and when Jason got back I insisted we head out and polite farewells were exchanged by all.  We got in the car and I was utterly upset but as we drove away, before Jason could tell me what a nice guy that was (because he was, very nice, especially to me, and to Jason's face) I told him what the fellow had said.

Jason shrugged, said it didn't bother him, but for me?  It was really really upsetting.

It was upsetting because I don't like hearing people don't like Jason.  I know I was uncomfortable with him when I first met him but it hurts to hear other people, strangers, seeing him in a negative light. 

I was also upset because this called into question MY judgement of Jason.  Maybe this guy was right?  Maybe Jason is creepy and awful and I just can't see it because we were together?  And so I went into a not so nice place.  Called Jason an hour or so later and said I think I'm having a panic attack because of that guy and that situation.

Jason calmed me down, let me talk it all out, how I felt about the guy being mean and how I didn't trust myself and how it all just spun into my head and got worse and worse and how I had to try to talk myself out of it by reminding myself he's not creepy and I know other friends of his who don't think so either.

But man did it ever mess me up.

Once I calmed down, it messed me up for other reasons.  The guy was so super friendly to Jason.  And if he was that "creeped out" by him would it not have been more honest to excuse himself and say he didn't feel like chatting or something?  And why did he have to slam his judgment on to me?  He doesn't know what our relationship is.  He doesn't know that Jason and I were together.  That we were a couple and that Jason's been a massive support and encourager for me.  Why did he feel he had to tell me that he didn't like Jason, was there some ulterior motive to that?  Was he trying to rescue a damsel in distress in his eyes?  Or what?

And then I started to wonder how sober that guy had been.  And why it mattered.  And how people perceive me.  And why that matters.

But really, it was upsetting and hard to deal with and I didn't like the experience at all.

I'm not really sure what I'm to take from the situation and trying to analyze the potential "life lesson" hidden within is just upsetting me and making me uncomfortable so I'm just trying to let it go.

Which, really, I probably shouldn't have re-hashed it by writing about it here but ... oh well... done now.

At least the wings were tasty.
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P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2017 and then some.) Kay? Kay.