Day 4: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

1.  The fact that I'm tired.  Be it emotionally or physically, I often just want to lie down and zone out.  Could all be part and parcel of the time of year and what's going on I suppose or being stuck in a cycle but yeah, the feeling of being tired and wanting to rest crosses my mind a lot.

2.  What should I eat?  This was less of a thought when I was following a meal plan, but I would still think about what to put in my mouth throughout the day.  Snack wise or treat wise or food wise or whatever.  Food is my easiest little mini happy moment, or is often a what will upset my stomach the least thought.  I get random cravings.  I give in to eating things that taste good but aren't good for me a lot more than I'd maybe like to.  When I'm not at my best I don't want to eat and I think about food still because I think I should be eating and it should be protein filled or healthy or whatever, but see #1 above... I often don't have the energy to cook... even though the things on my meal plan are pretty simple and fast to make. 

3.  I'm lucky.  I know I am.  I live in a beautiful part of the world and in a country that is safe and peaceful.  I'm healthy, I have food, shelter, income, water, all of those basic needs are met.  That makes me luckier than a whole lot of people in the world.  The things that worry or concern or upset me are things that in the big picture I am lucky that they're what I worry about.  There are no bombs dropping on my neighbourhood.  I'm not living in fear of my life.  I have health care.  My water is clean.  I can afford a place to live and food to eat and even luxuries.  I have travelled.  I have visited other countries.  I have a passport.  I can vote.  I'm a very very lucky person.

4.  Negative self talk.  Or, not helpful self talk.  Worrying stories, upsetting thoughts.  All of these.  They cross my mind a lot.  I'm working on changing that and I do think it's getting better, but there is still a lot of talk in my mind that is blue.  Or dark.  Or however you want to put it.

5.  Currently, thoughts about Max cross my mind a lot.  I'll just leave it at that.

6.  I really spend too much time online.  See #1 again.  They're related.  Lying on my couch and zoning out with a show or something online takes no energy.  But it also drains my time and isn't really much of a life.  I know this. 

7.  Should.  Frustrates me when someone (often a counsellor) points out how much I use that word.  And it never feels good to think it.  I think I probably intend it as a motivator.... I should be doing X, Y, Z... but I think it just makes me feel more of #4 and more of #1.  But "should" is definitely one of those thoughts I'm trying to hear and think and say less.