Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Day 9. Two Words That Describe Your Life Right Now and Why

1. Empty.

2. Unclear.

Although those two words could be taken very negatively, and I'm not saying this isn't a sad, difficult time for me right now, they also could be seen as a time where there's almost a feeling of clean slate.  Like, I have no idea about so many things right now and while that is unsettling and frightening, on a good day, I can see it as full of choice, chance and opportunity.

My life feels empty right now.  I feel quite lost without Max and that love and the plans we'd made, and I don't want to date or try to be in a relationship so there's this void where I'd like to have a partner to love and share with and be with and think about a future with.  It's also that time of year when people do their thing and it's darker and colder and I just feel blah and there's more to it all than that but yeah.  Empty and unclear.  I have no idea where I'll be this time a year from now, never mind next season, or this summer or anything.  I might be not far from where I am right now but it's unlikely I'll be right here.  I don't know.

So, yeah.  Stuff.  Blah.  Life.


Blogger Jason Langlois said...

I'm glad you can see the positive in this, as well as accepting the negatives. I've felt like this myself more than a few times, and ... well, "lost" is a good word for it.

But I'm confident you'll find a path that will lead to more light and warmth, just like the weather will change.

And I agree, it's unlikely you'll be "right here" in a year. This blog is a record of so much change, movement and distance, that I can't imagine you standing still in this place for very long. You are powerful and give every indication that "empty" and "unclear" are not places that will have a hold on you for very long.

Plus ... MORE SUN!

Wednesday, December 30, 2015 12:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

MORE SUN!!!! Indeed.

And thanks, as always, for your insight, thoughts and support.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015 3:18:00 pm  
Anonymous Elliott said...

I have much the same feelings, but for different reasons. It's still a weird feeling for us to be empty nesters with all the kids away at school.

And I feel completely lost professionally...which rightly or wrongly is a big part of me. Work has always taken up a considerable piece of my life and I'm feeling very lost right now. Not a fun feeling.

I'm glad you're able to see some positives in your situation. Just you recognizing that you will unlikely be where you are now is a huge change in mindset. This change is very evident from your posts over the past few months.

Where ever you may go, I wish you all the best and hope that 2016 sees you happy and healthy.

Thursday, December 31, 2015 6:19:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

I can imagine the strangeness of empty nest and... well, I hear you on the work front. Hugs. All the best to you and yours as well!

Thursday, December 31, 2015 2:41:00 pm  

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