Thursday, 4 February 2016

From The Low

So I'm there, in this horribly low place, not seeing any hope or point in anything at all but because I'd set the wheels in motion for maybe doing this volunteering thing, my brain was like, hey, cool, let me worry (read: obsess a bit) over that! 

And so I'm stressing over this thing that isn't happening yet but that stress isn't helping me at all because it's just more misery.  Accompanied by physical discomfort.  (My counsellor and I are talking about this phenomenon/situation right now... it's very interesting.)  And on the second week of very bad days, I'm crying on the phone to Jason and I mention that I can't even figure out how to get myself to Nevada BY MYSELF because I can't.  I can't.  And I can't afford a teardrop trailer and my car can't tow one anyway.  At this point, Jason stops me.

If your car's not rated to tow, stop thinking about towing with it.  It'll break the (insert car information here.)  Ok, fine,  more tears.  Clearly not going to help DPW, because I don't LIKE Burning Man and can't get there by myself anyway.

Ok, he says... but what if... what if you say, bought a van.  And turned it into a camper.  And drove yourself down in that?

To which my miserable brain responded with I CAN'T DRIVE A VAN!  THEY'RE TOO BIG! I'D HIT THINGS.  AND RUN OUT OF GAS!  (No, really, this is what my "unhappy" brain comes up with.... that I will clearly be physically unable to drive a van without scraping it against other cars and hitting curbs.  And that there's no way I'll have enough gas to get from Alturas to Gerlach.  Oh, and nevermind getting through Portland with the bridge and five million lanes and ten million cars.  Can't.)

But, Jason and I ended up talking until three that night.  About this idea.

"You haven't sounded this animated and interested in anything in a long while V."

And it was true, I didn't feel quite so .... dead.

Overwhelmed, sure, but not stuck in that "nothing to get up for" feeling.

So... the idea of maybe getting a van (or conversion van) and renovating it to take me down to the desert (and maybe other places) feels like the thing that saved me from a very very very dark place.

Of course, it's an entirely new set of stresses and thoughts for my "unhappy" brain to run with but at least I was in a different (if not relaxing) spot.


Blogger Jason Langlois said...

Volkswagen Vanagon!

Love this idea!

Thursday, February 04, 2016 10:07:00 am  
Anonymous Elliott said...

A camper is a cool idea. And they don't need to be a gas guzzler to be comfortable for one or two people.

We've tossed around the idea of a trailer, but we have a vehicle that can tow it (yeah Touareg).

Like I said yesterday, it's weird what can bring you out of a funk...or move you to a different place.

Thursday, February 04, 2016 12:56:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oh Jason, I love Vanagons! Especially the older older ones, so cute! But... everyone I've talked to (other than owners, who love them) have said that they break down a ton and are then very expensive to fix. Plus, they're most of them out of my price range, even used. *sad trombone*

Jealous of your tow capable vehicle E! Also, if you've got (a whole lot of) extra money, this is the funky trailer I fell in love with! :)

Thursday, February 04, 2016 5:47:00 pm  

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