Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Limbo

It sucks to wake up and instantly feel worried/anxious/stressed, it really does.

I'm trying to have fewer mornings like that, and I'm also trying to let things go.

As in... if it's meant to be, it'll work out.

I sent an email to Max to ask if he'd be ok if I decided to camp with his camp at Burning Man this year.  I don't honestly expect him to say yes, I feel like if he's not even able to say hi, he probably won't want to see me in his happy place, and I will give him that space if he wants it...  So that's out of my control for now. 

I sent an email to work people asking about the process of withdrawing from the financial thing, so that's out of my control for now.

Burning Man ticket sale information has gone out and there's nothing I can do but wait for the sale to happen, so that's out of my control for now.

I chatted with the fellow I contacted regarding volunteering for Burning Man and he's sent my name on to someone and says if I haven't heard from him in a month or so to send him an email back, so that's out of my control for now.

I can't go ahead with anything van related until I know what might happen money wise, and all the information I could or perhaps "should" sort through feels like too much right now so I'm avoiding that.  At least for today.

I guess it's a little bit of a limbo.  I'm trying not to stress over things, and I've taken steps forward and am now waiting to hear back.

I do still vacillate between thinking I'll just not bother with a van, or volunteering, or Burning Man, and then thinking I should try.  Each of them still feels really huge and overwhelming, so it's easiest for my poor brain to take a break, or "distract" as I put it, or utilize one of my "survival resources" as my counsellor puts it.  I dunno.

I suppose I'll figure it out or be forced out of it for some reason or another... we shall see.


7 Comments:

Anonymous Elliott said...

I feel your pain about waking up stressed or at least not relaxed. It sucks. It really does.

Sounds like you have everything in motion that you can have and now it's the waiting (impatiently) game. All you can do know is try and relax and wait for responses to come back.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 5:05:00 am  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

You know, there are weird people who find that kind of uncertainty exhilarating and exciting. Very weird people.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 12:26:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Relaxing... sounds good Elliott... I'll see what I can do!

SO WEIRD!!! ;)

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 8:16:00 pm  
Anonymous JustaGirl said...

It all sounds stress-inducing - is it something that you're certain you would want to do?

Unsolicited advice here, but what about skipping Burning Man altogether this year (it sounds like it will inevitably be an emotional event, what with Max there and the knowledge that he said he'd rather have you not contact him)? What about doing something else, like getting away on a meditation/yoga retreat, to a new place with some peace and quiet? Something/anything that helps you take care of yourself, your mind, your body, and helps you heal?

I wish that we could simply move on from thoughts of those people whom we have/had let into our hearts only to end up hurt - but if only it were that easy! But it should be, considering that the memory of what we had shared with them only causes us distress in the present moment, nothing more. Shouldn't we value ourselves more than that? We deserve to feel better!

Saturday, February 13, 2016 8:19:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

We shall see how it goes with tickets and stuff and go from there.

Saturday, February 13, 2016 4:08:00 pm  
Anonymous JustaGirl said...

Okay, got it. It's your life after all. That was merely said out of concern but no more unsolicited advice from me anymore.

Sunday, February 14, 2016 3:54:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

No, it's all good. I know you are coming from a great place :) I'm not saying no to a year off, just that it's always a stressful thing to get myself there and always worth it, so I'm trying to be zen about it right now and if I don't get tickets? Then maybe I'll find something else to do, you know?

Sunday, February 14, 2016 4:27:00 pm  

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