Monday, 3 September 2018
The Year Ahead
A fellow volunteers to send a live stream of Burning Man off playa and I have such mixed feelings about it. One one hand it is a modern miracle... well, to my limited understanding of such things it is anyway.... this live feed being sent from the middle of a barren desert in northern Nevada to.... well, the world. Via the internet. Which... really, I know you're on it right now but it's pretty much a damn miracle to me too. So this guy volunteers his time to bring images of the event to those of us who aren't there. Which is great. But also... kind of sucks. I don't like to know that the even is THIS connected. And I like that it used to be more of a mystery. And, I'll be honest, it's hard to see and not be there. I watched the big burns, like I did last year and I had feelings. It was harder this year than last... I'm not sure why. Maybe in part because I'd hoped my life would have changed enough in a year for it to be far more viable for me to go. Maybe in part because I had a lot more to lose by not going this year... a circle of friends I am missing as we speak. I tried to enjoy the burns, but I just felt sad.
There's a term people use around Burning Man... "FOMO"... the Fear of Missing Out. They say Don't have FOMO! Well, I didn't. I didn't fear what I was missing, I knew what I was missing and I was sad about it. I missed it. It hurt. Like last year, I am happy to be comfortable in my space, with refrigeration, electricity, running water and plumbing. I am grateful for all that. My throat doesn't hurt from inhaling the dust, my fingers aren't all torn apart from overuse and the dust exposure. I have nothing to unpack and clean. All these things are great. But I didn't go. I don't know if I will be able to or choose to go next year.
I hope the year to come is a good one for me. That I grow in ways that serve me well. That I stay healthy. That I find calm. And happy. That this time next year I don't find myself sad and feeling like I missed out. Or whatever it is I felt/feel.
Burning Man is over for the year. Things burned. I wasn't there. And now it's September. May you have a good next year to come.