Friday, 5 July 2019


I am in what feels like a major creative lull.... artistically speaking.

For a while (a year or two?) I was making a digital piece (of art) every day.  Sometimes a couple a day, or a couple of variations.  I'd share them all, even the pieces I didn't like or felt weren't that great.  And then, for reasons I can either no longer remember, or for no reason at all, I just stopped.

Maybe I was letting myself off of a hook of "have to" (I used to run into that with the 365 photo project) or who knows, but I haven't picked up the tablet in ages.  (Gotta be at least a month.  Maybe two.)  I know I went through a very difficult time in early Spring (that, no, I haven't written about yet) and when someone asked why I hadn't put any new art out in a while I responded, quite honestly, that I needed some down time for myself.

I've also been struggling with wanting to get better at certain things (realism, for example) and not feeling like I have the motivation to just hack away at it. 

I also get discouraged by all the amazing artists I follow on social media (Instagram mainly).  It's like I look and go WOW, followed by "ugh, I don't have that ability right now/yet/anymore."  So often I get discouraged by wanting to do a style different from what comes easily to me and how many talented folks are out there creating that art... and it seems unreachable.

(Yeah, social media is a killer for a lot of positive feelings, it really is.)

I did psych myself up and finish a piece (a physical piece) that I started about six months ago.  I was happy about that for a moment, and then I just got down about the fact that I'm really not any good at selling, so it will likely just sit taking up space in my place for an unknown amount of time.  But hey, at least it was then able to be moved from my table to a couch to finish "drying".  (It's oil based so will be a long while to cure...)

I think I stymied myself at the start of this year by spending a lot of winter trying to sort out what kind of online space I could afford to use as a sales platform.  Budget wise?  Not really any of them, fit into the limited budget I'm currently working within... and something about stressing about that and the expense and the time and effort involved and, of course, the potential of it not being a good use of money (ie a "failure") really sort of made me feel like not wanting to try.  At all.

Self sabotage maybe?  Or "can't fail if don't ever try"?  Or just too many "what ifs"?  I don't know.  All of the above?  Everything?  Timing?  Life?  Mental health? 

It'll come.  It usually does.  But if this is a lull, it's not a fun place to be in right now... I hope I can break myself out soon.  Or break through whatever it is I'm hiding behind.

Or something.


Jason Langlois said...

Probably not the most help, but maybe it will ... You're one of the amazing artists I follow on social media where I go WOW, and follow it with I wish I had that ability and talent.

I hope you find your muse again, but even if you don't, you've created some amazing works!

Victoria said...

Awww, thank you :)