Wednesday, 7 August 2019

The Big One... (That I Maybe Shouldn't Say?)

I'm going to be blunt and honest here and say that I have not been able (well enough) to return to full time work since the end of October, 2015.

I know my big question, were you to tell me a similar thing, would be to ask about financials. (Although I'd probably be too polite to actually ask you, I'd sure as heck wonder.)

And, well, financials are a tricky thing to talk about on a good day, and in this case, it was one of the main reasons Jason told me not to blog about anything.

I know I'm being vague, sorry, but a) privacy b) concerned cuz... dunno?  c) it's money.

So all I'll say is that I don't want to talk about it (in no small part because I was warned not to) but I am struggling but managing. (Kinda)

So, um, yeah.  I hate money, I hate talking about money, it is one of my major major stressors and causes me a massive amount of anxiety.  Many of the panic attacks and worst anxiety I've had since this all happened have involved money and let's just leave it at that.

Relatively speaking, I am a very rich person.  I have a roof over my head, fresh, clean, running water, electricity, food, a vehicle, and the list goes on.  I am grateful and know I'm lucky.

I also, because of what Jason said "DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF" and the anxiety that had taken over my life and psyche I was terrified of even existing for a while there.  As in... was every car parked on the street someone watching me to make sure I wasn't faking?  If I smiled at someone on the street, would I get "in trouble" in some way?

None of this might make any sense, but it's what I was stuck in at the time.

And lord do I hate talking about money so can we just leave it for now?  I'm coping and managing but it's not easy and it's a massive, massive stress.

But yeah, spoiler... see sentence one.

(And yeah, sorry, going to turn comments off for this one, I'm freaking out already at the fact that I typed this out and that it might be a really stupid thing to do but y'all?  This is such a stress and has been a major trigger for me.  Major.  So I wanted to be honest... in at least a small way.)
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2019 and then some.) Kay? Kay.