Tuesday, 11 August 2020

Sigh. A Truth

I don't know how much of a part what I'm about to tell you plays in things but I'm sure it's not .... nothing.

A number of years ago... I genuinely can't give you a legit when (five?  seven?) Jason was in a relationship with someone that I have not touched on at all.  There is a LOT for me to talk about there and lots of stuff that affected me in really not great ways, but this is about one of them.

So a number of years ago, Jason was with his partner and I had reasons I wasn't fond of the relationship and the entire situation and he let me know that she had found my writing and was threatening to come to my workplace and "beat me up".  There was also something, if I recall correctly, about her exposing me to work and I honestly think I must have blocked a lot of this out, but Jason claims he called me to warn me, and she apologized for it in person a couple of years ago.

I legit am not clear if she meant this blog here or if she meant some other writing that I did under another pen name but either way... I would imagine this played a part in my fear and anxiety around writing and being less open and upfront about what I write.

The timing seems to match with all the other crap that was going on in my life/world and so it maybe factored in to my "shut down" a lot more than I knew and certainly more than I realized at the time.

And like I said, I blocked most if not all of it out, which is its own set of issues and concerns, but Jason says he called to warn me and she did apologize for something so, yeah...

That happened, I guess. 

Which doesn't really make me feel all that safe or comfortable to talk about things again, you know?


Jason Langlois said...

That's a tangible and understandable reason. I mean, if you touch a hot stove and it burns you, it's reasonable to not want to touch a hot stove again, right?

Also, what the hell? I don't really understand people who would threaten or do something like that. Very frustrating that they exist.

Victoria said...

I just find it interesting that I don't have a solid recollection of it happening at the time... blocking things out or whatever else the brain does!

And yeah... all sorts of things people do/think that I can't personally understand too well.