So I had my first "volunteer" thing at "workplace" this week.
I was, as you can imagine, nervous as BLEEEEEEEEP leading up to it, and the strategy I used to survive the days leading up to it amounted to pretty much "ignore". As in... well, I'm not going to (workplace) today, so let's not think about it. (My counsellor said this week that that's totally a legit thing to do so there you go!)
Anxiety aside, it went pretty darn well, actually. I had thought I'd hide in a back space where no one would see me and that I'd be unrecognizable in my mask anyway but as I navigated my way around the spy building people recognized me anyway and were like Victoria!???? What are you doing here? SO GOOD TO SEE YOU! Which was nice. Like, I was genuinely surprised at how nice it was to have people happy to see me. And how nice it was to see people. I also was reassured by all the protocols in place. Were people perfect with them? Of course not, but there was effort and that counts. I have my own protocols and, well, it will be what it will be, right?
I'm not sure I'll talk much about this process, due to my whole "don't talk about work" thing but I went, I got through it. I did the best I could to be Covid-aware (or whatever) and yes, I was exhausted and drained that evening and the next day. Slept pretty solidly that night though, yay.
I'd be happy to just be like ok done! I did it, it went well, all done! And not do any more, but I guess that's not how things work even though that's how I'd like it to work..... sigh.
I guess the "rehab" (for lack of a better term) is to slowly work up the amount of time I can tolerate and then transition to paid work rather than this "volunteering" (I think of it like job shadowing kinda?) but baby steps... one step at a time. I kind of lose my sh*t if I think too far ahead. And by "too far" I mean beyond this week. Sigh.
So yeah, no guarantees I will talk about this ever again, but I'd mentioned it so I wanted to mention it had happened.
Now, shhhhh, let's talk about the weather again instead ok!? YAY WEATHER IS WEATHER-Y!!!