Stressful

I get stressed trying to figure out people.

Like, I don't mean individual people, I sort of mean groups of...

Or more specifically, people who very much don't agree with how I'm seeing the world right now with regards to the Covid-19 pandemic.

Why, you might ask, would I try to understand them or figure them out?  And I don't have a solid answer for that, but I mean again, I'm sort of looking at America and so many things coming out of that...like large events with SO MANY PEOPLE SO FRIGGING CLOSE TOGETHER and I just... I don't get it.

Sure, some are likely vaccinated.  Some are probably not.  Some are for sure not.... unless the event asked for proof of vaccination but even then, someone will likely have lied...

So then I try to figure out the draw and I do understand the desire for normal.  And I tell myself maybe some just never believed or something along those lines and then I tell myself that just because I'm seriously uncomfortable with the idea doesn't mean I'm in the right, and really shouldn't mean that anyone needs to agree with me.

And that's a hard one for me with this.  Because I have strong feelings about what "should have" happened or what I think still "should" happen and I have no control over that and honestly, I'm not the most trained person in that area so who am I to have these super strong opinions anyway?  (Other than an educated person who follows strong and neutral places of information and really doesn't like the idea of people getting sick when it could be prevented.  Oh and a bit of a softie... bleeding heart if you will.)

UGH.  So it stresses me out.

It stresses me out to try to give grace to those who pack an event, those who put it on, those who participated.  Because I'm judging and I'm scared for them and I'm scared for the world in general and none of this is going well.

Right now one of my big internal debates with regards to Covid is going to see a particular movie in a movie theatre.

They've reopened things to full capacity here (we were at half capacity) with proof of full vaccination, but I still am not feeling super comfortable being out and about.  I mean I do what I can at work, but there I've just sort of had to let go and mentally rock back and forth about the possible exposures I risk every damn work day.  (sigh)  But work isn't really a choice, while going to a movie very much is.

I know that most people who go to see the same movie will have been vaccinated (again with the possibility of some lying somehow) but that doesn't mean that no one in this imaginary theatre will be sick and spreading Covid (or anything else, duh) at the time.

Sure, I'm vaccinated, and sure I'd wear my mask and sure, I'd buy popcorn on the way out so as to not be eating it with my mask off in the theatre (yes, this is how much my brain "overthinks" things) but being in an enclosed space with that many strangers for close to three hours?  I don't know if I am willing to do that.  Even if I really really want to see the movie and really think it'd be best to see it in a theatre now rather than at home "eventually".... but again, not life or death, just a choice I'm mulling over.  

And I have a concert next Fall.  I don't know about going.  Travel to the mainland (on a ferry... people.... some unvaccinated...) and the show... hours in a stadium... I don't know.  I'm putting that one aside for now.

So do I judge those who are willingly going to these huge events in the States?  Yeah, I guess I am.  But I'm also trying to understand and be understanding even though I don't really want to.

Does life have to go on?  I guess.  I think we missed the opportunity to legit shut this thing down in the early days.  But I mean... they don't even have "free" (not really free but that's what we say) healthcare down there.  And they know that.  I DON'T GET IT.  I TRY SO HARD BUT I DON'T.

God forbid I get sick with something and get sick enough to need medical care or hospitalization.  The only financial loss I will take for that is my pay (and our government has tried to help with that, and technically my workplace should also help with that, although I know not everyone's does.)  

Anyway, I can talk and talk about it here without getting anywhere and it'll just rile me up more but I just wanted to say this all (waves at the behaviour of others) is still stressing me out so very much.

Sigh.  Can we be done yet?