I had a bit of a breakdown this weekend. Nothing extreme - I'm fine, but a real heart-broken kind of sobbing sadness.
I know this is a *me* thing and I'm not asking for political conversation or opinions here, I'm not even sure I can speak clearly about where I'm at.
What happened was to do with a bunch of folks who protested ongoing Covid measures. I'll just leave it at that (even though it was more than that... you probably heard about it in the news if you're in North America). What was different for me this time was someone I used to work with and always quite liked in a "that's a colleague I like" kind of way posted on their social media a lot of things I was confused and surprised and ultimately hurt by.
Now this person and I were never terribly close. I'm not even sure we talked too much at work but we had a good relationship and I have always felt friendly and positive towards them and their family. But to hear them speak in ways about things that are very different from my personal take and views was difficult.
Again, I'm not sure why.
Some of the guesses I have are that it pokes on my need for control. (It's an anxiety thing... control being an illusion of course.) And upsets my "black and white" view of people and the world. (Like if I like you you must think the same way as I do about things?) I think I have some fear? around people who are against things I think are in place to keep me healthy and well... and maybe some part of me takes that as them not caring about me?
I try, I do, to understand folks who don't come from the same place as I do, but I'm having a hard time with that right now, especially when it comes to Covid and public health choices. So I ask myself why am I taking it so personally?
Why does it hurt or feel so bad/scary/not ok if someone disagrees with me about something? And is it *just* this or is it everything? I get mad at Jason when he makes fun of Led Zeppelin because I LOVE THEM! So is it an insecurity thing? Like I'm not... confident enough in my beliefs?
Sigh. I dunno, I think I'll have to come back to this. Or to be quite transparent, I was writing this, the phone rang, and now I'm totally distracted by the phone call, SORRYYYYYYYYYY not sorry?
3 comments:
I've been wondering the same. Harder and harder to tolerate some stuff, from people I considered friends.
I really don't know what to do about it all... if there is anything to actually... *do*?
Same feelings, to a less extent. I have many colleagues in the US (I'm the only Canadian on the team) and most of them are pro-vaccine and pro-health measures to keep us all safe, but there sure more outliers in the US than I've run into in Canada. We've agreed to disagree and move on cuz we are friends as well as colleagues. But it's hard for me to understand their position especially since we have such similar professional backgrounds and think alike in pretty much every business situation...it's just odd.
As for those I've loving termed the "whack-a-doodles" in Ottawa...I have no words.
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