WTAF

Yeah, so I got a call from my spy boss Monday after work to tell me that the other spy person had changed their mind and that I can keep my position after all.

Except now I don't want to?

I mean, I will... sure, it's way easier than being moved and having to start all over but I'm still hurt and choked and not feeling good about any of this.

I messaged a co-spy who told me that the person "felt really bad" and I'm like WELL THEN THEY SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO ME! But... I will be professional and keep my mouth shut.

But I sure have a part of me that doesn't want to.

And I have a part of me that wants to kind of grovel. Oh thank you SOOOOO much person.  (Even though I'm more angry than relieved.)

But whatever anyone else went through I've been through a week of awful and I'm not impressed.

I don't know anymore.

I hate that I was so thrown by this only to have someone change their mind and I'm supposed to just go back to normal?  DON'T WANT TO.

But... I'll try to be mature.  Or, I'll keep being mature is more accurate.  

But yeah, I don't talk about work so this week has been a bit of an anomaly but it was such an intense experience to go through the "losing" of my functional ability for a few days I think it's only fair that I talk about that, especially since I've been trying to get back to being more honest and open with my life and struggles here. 

So... yeah, still no good feelings about anything that has happened.  Still hurt and angry and upset and not feeling secure or safe about much.