Looped.

One of the things I'm struggling with right now is that I'm struggling.  

Yes, I just said that.

Since things went how they did at [workplace] I was completely upset and thrown off.  And then when they sort of resolved (but not in a particularly pretty way) I was told that I was being given the most challenging spy project of my time as a spy and the two things one after another have kept me pretty down.

I constantly feel like I can't do this.  I don't even know what "this" is, just all of it?  Everything?  And yet I keep getting through a day after a day after a day.  Jason tells me I'm "doing it" and I tell him that's probably just good external PR.  You know, faking it on the outside while not managing well on the inside.

He said that's fine.

But I'm not loving any of this.  Or anything right now.

And then I get upset that I haven't "gotten over it" or moved on or let go or just improved.  I don't *like* feeling like this.  I don't like waking up each day and struggling.  "This too shall pass" and all that jazz but right now I'm here and I don't see much change yet.

Anyway, babble babble babble... I literally just got up off my couch and tried to scare away a noisy seagull and the thing just stared at me like WTF human?

Apparently going "RAWR" and making yourself look like a "scary monster" through a window isn't something that bothers a seagull.  Just... so you know.