So Much Self Sabotage

When I go on the social media sites I frequent, two and a half of the four I seem to use make me feel less happy about myself and my life.

On the gram that is insta...nt (? I assume that was the idea?) I follow mainly art/artist accounts and rather than inspiring me I constantly think about how bad I am (just lacking practice, really) and how little I do (true right now) and how everyone is better than me (maybe?) and it sucks.  But I keep doing it.  Keep logging on and checking in and comparing negatively.  EVERYONE IS SO MUCH MORE TALENTED AND BETTER THAN I AM.

On the book of face I follow mainly people (many of whom I know or have a commonality with) all I think is man my life is boring.  I don't do anything.  I don't travel.  I don't have kids/family/dog/whatever.  MAN MY LIFE SUCKS.

And yet... I pop in over and over and over.  Ouch ouch ouch.

The other two sites I visit are fairly highly curated (lots of puppies and kittens and things like that) but still I'll find myself checking news and things and I know that the sites are questionable ethically due to choices by their "owners" and so that makes me feel bad... "supporting" people I think aren't good people and reading news and getting upset at the opinions people have about others and things.  

I dunno.

Social media has allowed me to connect with people and that's good.  But aside from that?  Oh, it lets me keep up with current jokes/memes/fads?  Meh?  Yay?  So I can feel a part of... something?

Part of the joy for me of attending something like Burning Man or going on a camping trip is the lack of internet.  

I don't HAVE to visit these sites when I'm home, I could .... just not.  But I do.  And it is such such a habit.  And I think that the "reminding myself I suck" is a habit too.

I mean if I tell myself constantly that my art is nowhere near as good as ALL these people then why would I bother making any or practising at all?  If I remind myself regularly that my life is lame and sucks, why would I feel the need to push myself socially at all, or to do anything?  Is it not a self fulfilling self sabotage type situation?  

I don't seem to have much luck with cold turkey when I'm trying to change things, but I think it's time for some baby steps (at least) away from these habits that bring me down more often than not.  Easier said than done perhaps but nothing's going to change if nothing changes, you know?