The 'Gram

I'm sure we've all heard that social media is not good for our mental health and well being, most often because it shows the best of people's lives that we then compare to the worst of our own.

So what I'm going through right now is not exactly *news* but is still feeling a little odd for me.

See lately, when I go on one particular social media app I get close to panic attacks pretty quickly.

On this particular app I follow a lot of artists.  Really talented artists.  Artists whose work I like and admire.  Artists all over the map in terms of what their medium or style is.  And for the last while, when I go on this app and scroll through these artists' work I just feel completely overwhelmed with the idea that I am terrible.

That I am NOT practising.  That I am not really trying.  That my art is not *that* good.  That I'm not that talented.  That I'm not doing that, or that, or that, or that.  That I'm not doing it.

I'm not able to look and be inspired.  I just see my own perceived failures and weaknesses.

My own "I haven't.  I'm not.  I didn't.  I don't."

It pushes a sort of feeling of "I suck" and of worthlessness which let me tell you is NOT motivating.

So while it's no surprise that social media is not great for mental health, this is feeling like a really specific issue for me.  Maybe this is my version of "she's prettier/thinner/richer" that many seem to pick up from social media.  But am I rushing to change this pattern?  To delete the apps?  Um... no.  Not yet.  Not now.  Not really.

Sigh. 

But I am putting my phone down sooner.

Even if I'm then picking it up again not long after.