Hmmmmmm

Summer, in the past, was one of my favourite times of year.  I would imagine this was mainly due to having ALLLLLLL that time off from school and getting to be outside all day and at the beach or in the ocean or going camping and having popsicles and long, warm, sunny days and playing in the sprinkler and riding bikes and like many of those things still happened when I was in University for all those months, even though it was likely I'd have been doing some part time work by that age.

Lately, summer has been one of my harder seasons, mainly due to the heat and me not doing so well in that heat.

The heat dome we had here (I had to google this) in 2021 I think really gave me some actual heat-related trauma and so I have tried to mitigate the heat in my apartment since then, with varying levels of success.

Knock on wood, either this summer has been cooler (as someone suggested to me?) or I've done much better with the heat or a little bit of both, but I've still struggled so far this summer. 

July was rough for me but in a way I'm not used to.  Like I've tried to do a bit more pool based exercise and that would usually grab me a few hours in a decent or at least neutral mood.  But then it would hit sometime in the afternoon or early evening and something would "tip" me off into a terrible mood.  Sometimes even a panic attack.  And it would seemingly be almost out of nowhere, or nothing major or something I didn't logically think was worth that amount of upset over.

And, sure, I've had bad days or moments before but these seemed extra intense, and extra "not ok."

Yes, I've talked to my counsellors about it and will probably mention it to my doctor if it keeps happening.

I was talking to Jason the other day and he mentioned that maybe it was hormonally based and while I can see what he's saying I pointed out that the birth control I'm on (mainly for "it's a long story" hormonal reasons less so for birth control seeing I'm not quite in my younger days anymore) *IS* hormonal so should, in part, be helping with any age related lady menopause/perimenopause type things and I then suggested he maybe stop trying to play the role of a doctor ahem ahem. 

But then this morning, I was thinking, and did a little googling on "mood swings" and, well, I've been dealing with my thyroid with my doctor and now I'm wondering if these intense moods "out of nowhere" may *actually* be hormonally related but to do with my thyroid hormone rather than meno-perimenopause type hormones.  Although they're all kind of related anyway, I just don't have the training or words to properly explain.

All this to say, I'm getting blood work done today to look at the thyroid stuff and maybe, just maybe if I/we adjust things there, mood things might normal out too.

Or not.  Bodies are complicated.  Minds are too.  And the interplay between the two of them is both fascinating and infuriating!

But yeah, babble, babble, babble, it's been extra bumpy around here but *not* all the time.  So odd.