Things have been really stressful for the last six plus weeks and my body clearly is trying to find ways to discharge that stress.
For example... I woke up in the middle of last night in a dead panic. Like an INSTANTLY AWAKE SIT UP PURE PANIC.
My entire system was flooded with intense adrenaline panic.
Why?
Because my teddy bear, which is one of two (it's not) had been stolen and the fake rubber one was in my bed. (The only one I have was in my bed.)
I reached out and touched the fake (in this state of mind) teddy bear and let myself wake up enough to realize that I only have the one bear and that it was still in the bed and so everything was fine and then I put myself back down and must have eventually gotten back to sleep.
But in thinking about this... what a wonderfully gentle way for my body and brain to freak out.
I've had more than a few "teddy isn't ok" dreams over the last while (year or two) and I'm not entirely sure why (not really needing to analyze it but I probably could.. something something security... something something childhood, I don't know) but it's what my brain is sending me in the middle of the night as a high stress situation... that teddy is missing/stolen/wrong/gone.
I've had teddy all my life, I do hope I will have him for the rest of my life. I really hope no one ever breaks in in the middle of the night just to steal him but this thought is something my brain is really very stressed by.
And wow, I do not remember ever having that intense of a fear wake up before. Yikes. That was rough.
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