Holy Crap

Well, yeah, I need a week off after my "week off".  Jeez.

The stuff that's being going in with my brothers and I lead me to cancel the weekend meetup which then ironically would have been cancelled anyway/naturally due to my Dad going to the ER for some heart/lung testing that took all all day Friday and all of the emotional and family stress and anxiety and emotional labour around that.

Dad's fine.  I mean not like super duper perfectly healthy (is anyone?) but his cardiologist is on holiday (BOO) and so that clinic sent him to the ER and no I'm not wanting to or meaning to complain about the medical health care system just that it was a very very long day for everyone and even knowing he wasn't there for an emergency (sucks that's where he was sent but also is what it is) I worried a lot about his age and not getting a nap or resting or eating or whatever.  He later told me that there were like very nice helper people who came around and offered like phone chargers and cookies and water so I feel better knowing that but still.... not an ideal way for anyone to spend their day right?

And there's something inherently scary about someone you love being in the ER because going to the ER is never a good thing.   And my brothers and I were communicating all day and not really knowing what was going on and of course my Mom was stressed and worried so I was trying to be helpful there and making sure we all ate (myself included) and all of this was AFTER I had gone with a full bladder to get that bladder ultrasound and then been oh so very happy to finally empty that bladder once I was allowed yay!

So while my Dad's results were inconclusive for what's going on and so he needs some more testing (where is that going to happen, I don't know!) I'm a bit of a mess.

When I finally got home that evening (picked Dad up from the ER just after 8pm.... a 12 hour day for us all, but most of all for him....) my body felt sore, like I'd done a big workout.  And then in bed that night I could NOT get warm.  I actually had to go get a hot water bottle to try to warm me up, yes even with the windows closed and ALLLLLLLLL the blankets on.  It was wild.  And I'm a few days later and still not feeling quite myself or settled.... It's been a lot.

And I don't know how relative this is but my gym has also closed so maybe that's partly why my body is extra stressed and sore?  I'm not giving it what it's used to getting?  I dunno.  Just that that was a lot and I'm feeling drained and upset and tired. 

Was this too personal?  Sharing too much?  Maybe.  But I'm also exhausted and hoping that typing this out might help get it out of my mind....