Thursday, 14 November 2019


Someone very dear to me has been told they have some cancer.

I don't even know how to talk about it.  They have cancer?  They have a part of them that grew cancer cells?  Like... it's a thing, and it's not ok, but they're also more than this and I hope they continue to be more than this but it's there and it's... cancer.

They're staying pretty private about it, so I'm not going to name them or anything but it's been a lot for me to process since they told me.

My feelings go in waves.  Fear, sadness, calm, acceptance, more fear and sadness.  All "normal" reactions I'm sure and I know so many people deal with this with family, friends and loved ones, and I know I've been incredibly lucky in my life that it's always been a step or two away from me and that this is the first one that hits so close.

And this person is telling me a few things and telling others even less and it's hard, because I want to talk about it.  I want to know all the things, all the details, all the information and things so that I can, I dunno... prepare myself?  Know what may be coming?

It is another adventure in being in the moment... no point in thinking ahead to what might be, what outcomes might happen, just... today.  And today this person is ok.  Just out of surgery.  Recovering from that. 

But, yeah.  This is a thing that's happening to someone very dear to me.  It changes things without changing anything.  And I wish it would just go away.  (I suppose that's my attempt at denial?)

So I may not talk about this much, to respect their privacy.  That's also hard for me because I want to share and cry and talk about it all.  But it's not my journey, it's not my illness or life, as much as this person is part of my life. 

I know we all know cancer sucks and all those things we say and I know everyone has opinions and things they want to say or share or talk about, but all I know right now is that this had better not take this person away from me.  Ever.


Jason Langlois said...

I believe the standard response is (or should be) F*CK CANCER.

Hugs for you, and more for your friend.

Victoria said...

Thanks. And... yeah...