Tuesday, 14 April 2020
(Hmmm.... I was certain I had talked about this before, but a quick search of the blog didn't show anything so.... I'll start again...)
Deliveries make me anxious.
And you would think that now that I'm pretty much home all the time (except for a walk or being outside or going for a drive or...I'm just saying I'm home even more than usual right now) it would be "easier" but it still makes me anxious.
Some of the deliveries, like groceries, have a window of delivery time, and so far they've been great and always within that window. But my nerves still jump up. Because almost always at some point during that window I have to pee! And then my anxiety goes running off about how if I pee that's probably when they'll show up and then what will I do!!! When the reality is... I can take the phone into the bathroom if I want, or at least outside the bathroom door and it's not that huge of a deal...? (AND HA! As I was typing out this paragraph my buzzer went and there was my food, ta da! So... that was funny/ironic/made for tv!)
For the deliveries that don't have a time window I just sort of hope I'm there for the delivery because I really don't want to have to figure out getting to a pickup location, especially as I'm really trying to avoid stores/public...
So far (knock on wood) my Canada Post person has been awesome and just knocked and left stuff at the door..... where as pre....this, they'd buzz and have me come get it or if I wasn't home leave a pickup note. So hopefully that can continue. Canada Post seems to also have slight delivery windows (as in "between 9:30 and 1:30") so I can at least attempt to be home for them, and my delivery times seem to be fairly consistent. There have been days though when I've had a video counselling appointment and then gotten an email that a Canada Post delivery was expected that day and then I'm super anxious that I'll be in the middle of my counselling and they'll show up and, again... part of me knows it's not the end of the world, but it's stressful for anxious me for sure.
I am very grateful for the folks doing the packing and shipping and driving and delivery, so very grateful. This is just me giving a little insight into how frustrating (and annoying) anxiety can be around things most people may not even notice.
But, yeah, I think I've been getting grocery deliveries for four weeks now... so a month. I'm still nervous/anxious about it, and it's still a strange way for me to shop and I'm still not eating all that well or all that normally but.... it is what it is, you know?