You Guys!

I got gas!

(Oh hush that part of my brain that is 12 years old, CAR gasOLINE)

I was out helping Jason throw flood ruined stuff into a bin they managed to get and on the way home I drove a slightly different way to just sort of ... see about gas.  (On my way to Jason's the one place by me had huge lineups and I just don't have that in me.)

One place was out, so I kept driving, starting to get that anxiety-rising feeling of "wasting" gas.  I found a place with lineups and decided I'd give it a try... I didn't have anything major to do in the next while, so I pulled up to the back of one of the lines, and right away someone pulled up behind me and pinned me in and I got panicky.  Which... sucked.  It had only been five minutes and only one car had left a pump and I felt trapped and unsafe and so when the vehicle ahead of me pulled forward I left.  "F*ck this sh*t" is pretty much where I was at... having a panic attack to make my anxiety less... well that's not really helpful.

So I told myself I'd just drive home and hopefully find gas in the next couple of days.  Jason had managed to fill up and said worst case he'd drive me to work or something so I was trying to calm the gas anxiety.

As I headed home, I got to this one corner that has like three gas stations.  The one on my side only had a few cars lined up but one of them was poking out onto the road a bit and I was not going to be the person who blocked the road so I crossed my fingers (metaphorically, since I was driving) and did a loop around the block (technically through the mall parking lot) and when I pulled around back onto the street that vehicle had moved and I was able to get into the lot and there were only two cars at pumps in front of me OH MY GOSH!!!!

And then, even more magically, they both pulled away and I was able to pull up to the front pump and, wow, this magical moment of BEING ABLE TO GET GAS!!!

We're limited to 30L right now and although I think it's currently on the honour system I was happy just to get anything at all.  I put in 28L and actually teared up a little as I was doing it.  I think the only other times I've been that happy to get gas were when I was 16 and filling up on my own for the first time, and then coming back on that solo drive from Burning Man... it's a loooong haul from the desert to the first gas station and I didn't trust my gas gauge.  But yeah.  A very emotional time at the gas pump and so grateful it was so smooth for me.

I'm hoping people calm down a bit over the next week or so, but I'm sure some will be some version of poopy and some will be anxious like me and fill up once I'm down that 30 L amount.  (I'll likely be keeping my tank a little closer to full than I normally do for a while... and I know that feels selfish but it's also me managing my mental health.  Plus, I, like many, will be working at limiting my car usage.  Which is always a good thing.)

But yeah, who knew "having gas" could be both immaturely amusing and also a massive massive relief.

Sigh.  This adulting stuff is weird.