I have a [work related] thing [first of the month and all] that I'm (understandably?) nervous about and I've been "putting off" thinking about it, like "that's a future me issue" and "nothing I can do about it until the time and it's not the time yet".
Well, I woke up Saturday morning (after a COOL temperature sleep by the way AMEN) and was HIT super hard by full on anxiety about the thing. Like all the time I spent putting it away until it happened... well that all came on me hard this weekend.
Saturday was pretty bad. I took something right away and went outside for some air and did what I could that day (yoga, exercise, etc.) and I even took two naps, which I haven't done in ages, but my system just seemed to need it. It was that exhausting and draining.
At some point on Saturday, I felt the anxiety creeping in again and I said to myself, firmly but gently "anxiety doesn't fix anything" because in the reality of that moment it was the weekend, I legit couldn't do anything about the thing, and feeling anxious and worried about it was literally not doing anything to change it it was just making me feel physically awful.
So I kept trying to remind myself of that this weekend "anxiety doesn't fix anything" "anxiety doesn't help anything" "anxiety doesn't change anything" (you could change that wording to "worrying", I did sometimes) because it really is such an awful feeling and it makes it really a lot harder to exist. But it's like [thing] is going to happen, it just is. And this feeling of NEED IT NOT TO HAPPEN or whatever it is isn't helping, isn't changing anything, isn't making it go away, is just making me feel really awful.
It didn't make me feel 100%, and it didn't magically take away the feelings or the nerves but I'm going to keep trying to remind myself of it... anxiety doesn't fix anything, change anything, help anything or do anything. It doesn't help at all.
Cuz if it did? My god my life would be perfect by now!
But honestly, it just feels like that part of me that throws the anxiety at my system really genuinely thinks if it puts enough energy into worrying, things will get changed and better and ok.
And, um, that's not true.
Sigh.
So, yeah, rough weekend. Thank bleep it was a cooler temperature one, that helped a lot.
2 comments:
Hi! I don't know why you felt so anxious. But do you believe in a religion? Buddhism or Christianity? Reading the Bible or Buddhist scriptures when you feel anxious, unhappy or under a lot of pressure, is a good way to soothe. You will feel more peaceful.
Thanks for your thoughts :)
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