It was pointed out to me that I'm coming up on one year of being back at work. Part time, sure, but still... they say I should be proud and that I've beaten the odds.
I... suppose in an abstract way I feel proud? But generally I don't. Like it's one foot in front of the other with not a lot of time to think or process. And time passes whether I'm working or not so...
And there is a lot of suckage. I think some (like my folks?) thought that a return to work would mean a return to functionality and normalcy but... no. Has it improved my mental health? I think in some ways I can see where it has... interacting with more people has been for the most part a good thing (with exceptions of course, duh)
I'm looking into working with a work rehab specific type person to hopefully expand my life OUTSIDE of work. I had a phone consult a few weeks ago and explained that most of the time I go to work on my work mornings, I come home, I'm exhausted, I do some exercise, I shower, I put on PJs and I'm done. This did not sit well with the rehab person "I don't like having clients who prepare for work, work, recover from work... we need to change that."
Yes, yes please. Please?
But I'm oh so tired. Not just physically. It takes a lot lot of my energy to exist most days, and I'm not sure how to move beyond that. Never mind the fact I feel pressured to expand my part time to more time and eventually full time... (is that pressure real or imagined? both?)
So yeah, a year. Shrug.
Ok.
2 comments:
That is an accomplishment. I'm glad you're looking for help with the outside work part, and I hope it does help.
For the last year or so, I've had a similar pattern (in bed by 7PM is not unusual), do to the day-to-day stress of dealing with work. Thankfully, in the last few weeks things are finally starting to relax and so am I (helped by this vacation break I'm taking right now).
Oh I'm really glad to hear you're having a bit of a break and that some relax is starting to show up! Enjoy your vacation down time!!!
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