Intrusive

Something that I've heard more about lately than I ever remember before is the idea of intrusive thoughts.

And yes, I have them.

Most commonly, I have them (not always) when driving.  Something along the lines of "I could drive straight into that oncoming car" etc.  It's not something I WANT to do and not something I think I'll ever actually do so having the thought is pretty damn upsetting.  

Another one I have is when I'm on the treadmill (lately... really only since I got the crown on my front tooth... which fell off in Spring.... ugh).  And that is "If I slip or trip I'll smash my face against the treadmill and break my teeth."

That one's harder to deal with as it feels a little more out of my control.  Like with the driving thoughts I just, well, don't do the thing my mind "suggests."  But with falling on the treadmill it sort of feels like something that might just accidentally happen and I have to sort of calm myself through it or else I'm likely to want to get off the treadmill and never go on it again.  It sucks.

I can't imagine having really awful intrusive thoughts or more constant ones, and I feel grateful that I don't.

When I googled the term before writing this some of the articles also mentioned that intrusive thoughts could be things like "I suck" and other negative things.  Those I for sure get quite a lot, but they also have links to more long term self image type things.

But yeah.... I'm hoping that by mentioning this I don't call them up to the surface as I really don't like having to fight the thought that I'm going to trip and hurt myself while on the treadmill just trying to get some cardio, you know?