Sort Of Ironic No?

One of the things I noticed this last week or so as I've been paying attention to my high anxiety levels is that there's this frustrating cycle that happens and it reinforces itself.

So... example:  our washing machines have been broken for a few weeks now and so this weekend I hand washed a few things in the bath.  I then had them around my apartment drying.  Well, not really "around" my apartment... I had socks on the big radiator (it sticks out and has a "lip" you can put things on) and some tshirts on hangers in the bathroom and things over the towel rack.

After a few hours and moving things around everything was dry but I didn't feel like "dealing with" putting them away.  I know, that maybe sounds ridiculous if you've never experience this kind of mental health issue but it can make "simple" things feel like just TOO much and that produces anxiety.  (I don't know the why of this particularly, I'm just living in it and observing it.)

So the things are out and I see them and that stresses me out.  Tidy = a calmer brain for me, so having things out like that is agitating.  But then not doing anything about it stresses me out too because they're there and they "need" dealt with.  But thinking about dealing with them stresses me out and spins me into big anxiety so I avoid it and go back to trying to distract myself but the ironic part is.... if I just fight through and DO the thing, I feel better.  The clothes are away and the place is tidier and I feel relief that it's no longer a concern and I don't need to think about it anymore.  But that cycle.... man, that cycle.  

Like I've been stressing, and I always do stress, about not having posts ready for the week.  But once I start typing out a few and see that oh, hey, I've got three days done, the stress dissipates and that makes it easier to do more writing but that initial start is SO hard.  And sometimes just feels like too much.

But yeah, the irony being that the cycle seems clear.... avoidance, makes things worse, makes things harder, makes more likely to avoid, but not avoiding makes things better and easier and more able to do things.  

Seems obvious to just DO the thing but I mean.... I do when I can right?  And pushing through everything all the time sucks.  And sometimes I just want to feel better before I take something on, you know?