I was thinking back on some former relationships and wondering at how quickly I'd thrown myself into them. I'm not sure if it's the healthiest of things how quickly I've felt strong feelings for another person.
One particular boyfriend lived in another city and I'd met him when he came into town to visit some of his friends. One of his friends was dating one of my best friends and they'd introduced us. I was wary of starting a relationship with someone who lived in another city, but we got along really well and I decided to be open to the possibility. Or at least open to seeing him again sometime.
A few weeks after I first met him, some friends and I went on a road trip that just happened to have this guy's hometown as a destination. We crashed at his place one night and the two of us stayed up talking and, somewhere around daybreak, smooching. We had to leave the next morning so the two of us took a walk down to the beach before we left.
I remember sitting on his lap on a log (It was cold, he thought I'd be warmer there) watching a family playing with their dog. I felt close to him and connected to him. We talked some more and while I was unsure about a long distance relationship, if you'd asked, I'd have told you I was falling for him.
He turned out to be a genuine, gentle person, my feelings weren't misplaced. I'm not concerned with that. What concerns me now is that I was sitting in the lap of and feeling close to a person that I really didn't know very well and had spent, at most, a day and a half with. Why the rush?
I know I'm a people person. I like people and I love easily and without reservation. I don't hold much back. But why have I tended to rush into giving all of myself so soon? Is it wrong? Does it matter? Is it the right thing to do because it feels right at the time? Is it dangerous? Am I doing something wrong? I don't know.
I just know that when I look back at some things it feels like I rushed. It feels like I went from zero to sixty in situations that didn't call for it. And it's not that I want to hold myself back from loving as much in my next relationship or anything... I just want to learn how to take it slower, especially when I'm just getting to know the guy. I know myself and I know I'll get to be madly and deeply in love with my next guy, I just want it to be more than 48 hours after we've met.
10 comments:
I think you're sooo right. You really should take your time. Every relationship i know that went bad is because they were moving to fast. I think it's very important to get to know eachother, cause you have to know what you're getting yourself into. And you can't know that in two months, let alone 2 days.
Well Ryan, maybe we were twins separated at birth and sent to different continents? ; )
And both of you are right, I just need to work on slowing down next time. It's hard,though, when I like the person and they're nice and everything's going well. How do you go slow without being a cynical person who's afraid to get hurt?
But yeah. Something to work on for sure.
Not even in two months eh? Whew! Gives me something to work towards anon. ; )
I know where your coming from. I do the same thing and I think it's because I don't like being alone. I crave that relationship or the meeting or whatever you want to call it because I don't like being alone.
We have always said that the best start to our relationship was that my partners job only allowed us to spend a limited amount of time together for the first few months. It would have been so easy to jump right in and eventually burn out the relationship. And I think given the chance, we probably would have.
It can be a struggle when you're starting out a relationship and comparing that to the lonely feelings you can have when you're single for sure. I've learned to like being alone (almost all the time... heh) but I still really like the feeling of having that special someone to feel close to. :)
And, Todemesne? I think that's a great example of fate stepping in and making things work out right. Maybe I'll pretend my job is like that too! Or, atually, if Mister Perfect would show up now I totally just wouldn't have the time for him. heh. So maybe fate will work well for me too!
Do we seriously have a "hairy leg" reputation????? I have never heard that before!
In my books it's a stereotype that European women don't shave, I've never heard a Canadian woman version. Huh.
I won't bother telling you the reputation Australian men have over here. : P
lol, reading all the above is pretty funny. ^_^ Nice guys!
Though, I've heard about Canadian women not shaving their legs too--something to do with the whole French thing in Canada, I don't really know. But hey, to each his own right? Or her, in this case.
If you can figure out how to not go so fast, even if it feels right at that moment, do let me know please! I think it would... feel better, if nothing else, if you knew who you were going out with a bit longer, no? And time does allow those nasty personality traits that stay hidden to come out, too, indeed.
Sigh...such a complicated world we all live in.
Victoria,
As you described in your exercise posting, it's all about the endorphins. It's not really love you are feeling; you're just high.
Good luck.
I may have heard some talk about French Canadian women, but I've also heard that we all live in Igloos and are constantly snowbound.. so I tend to just smile and nod. (I ain't never even seen an igloo) But yeah, to each her own for sure.
I'll try to figure out the whole slowing down thing, if only to post about it here! lol
It does all seem complicated sometimes. Which is why I usually stop trying to figure it all out and just go with it! heh. I guess there's no perfect way for everyone in this situation either.
To each their own again? ; )
cocoa: hence the love is blind type sayings I guess? :)
gives a whole new meaning to "just say no" and "this is your brain on drugs"
*the picture that's in my head right now* a new guy leaning in to give me a hug and I say "STOP! I need to sober up before I can make a good decision." Him..."uh, we haven't been drinking" Me. "No, but I'm high on phenylethylamine and need to mellow out man!"
man, it's weird in my brain sometimes ; )
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