Monday, 20 November 2006

For Those About to Get Dumped ( I Salute You )

I've been dumped a few times. Broken up with lots, too. A few times, I've been lucky and the boyfriend breaking up with me has been kind. Sometimes, they haven't been. But, no matter how the relationship is ended, I tend to have a hard time with being broken up with.

Don't we all.

When my last boyfriend dumped me (he doesn't get the polite "break up") I did the best thing I'd ever done for my mental health. I highly recommend you do the same thing.

As what's-his-name was sitting there, lamely explaining why he could no longer be my boyfriend, I got angry. And once he had had his say, I walked around my apartment and found all his things and all the things he had ever given me. I then stood at my door and opened it.

As he was leaving, hang-dog look and all, I handed him the pile of stuff I had collected.

"But, those are gifts. I gave them to you. They're yours." He stammered.

"I don't want them anymore." I said. "Take them. Go. Have a nice life." And I closed the door behind him and all of his stuff.

Of course, I didn't stay mad long, soon enough the tears came. And the sadness and the hurt and the self-doubt and the rest of it.

But? I didn't have his stuff around to make it worse. I didn't have an old sweater of his to sit around in, or things he'd given me around to remind me he wasn't there anymore. It made it easier, not having *things* to mope about.

So. Here's some advice from a single girl. Get rid of their stuff. If that guy, or girl, doesn't want you in their life anymore, pack up their shit and give it back. If you can, do it at the time... before it all sinks in. If you can't do it then, get a friend to come over and do it for you the very next day. Do it quickly. Trust me, it matters and it helps.

Now, I'll be honest. Somewhere, I still have letters he wrote me and a couple of cards. But I tend to keep those things from all my exes. They're out of sight and I have to dig around to find them and if I do go looking for them, they're sitting there alongside romantic sentiments from other guys and that tends to help me feel better about it all.

No one likes being dumped. Especially when it's not what you wanted and you didn't expect it.

Don't make it harder on yourself than it has to be.

Get rid of the things that will remind you of what the other person has just thrown away: you.

14 Comments:

Blogger Ryan said...

V, I'm the same. A break up is just as it's spelt - a... break... up, not a bend up (which... actually sounds kinda kinky!).

I remember a conversation I had with one chic I had been dating for quite some time where she asked me whether I'd take her back if we ever broke up.

"Nup," I replied, maybe too matter-of-factly.

Her lower jaw hit the ground on my response - she couldn't believe it.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want me chase you round and be your lap dog while you did your own thing? I thought.

No thanks. There's plenty more fish in the sea... one's bound to notice quality when she finds it.

I'm of the opinion that if a relationship is "right", or "meant to be", breaking up should never even enter into their minds (and the same should happen when they get married - divorce should never be considered).

But, maybe that's just me.

Monday, November 20, 2006 6:30:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, I hear ya. If someone breaks up with you, it's over.

What's the confusion here?

Getting back together never works anyway.

Monday, November 20, 2006 7:23:00 pm  
Blogger McGone said...

Excellent advice... Victoria-tested, McGone approved.

A recent break up of mine, which is a novel in itself, involved gifts given earlier in the day of the break up (It started off amicably enough, dragged on for months). When I handed them back, and was told they were gifts meant for me, I said "No, these are souvenirs from a break-up." It does no good to hang on to mementos if you are trying to move forward.

And now I speak no more of the relationship, because dragging out these stories is similiar to hanging on to mementos... just learn the lesson and let go.

Monday, November 20, 2006 9:59:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oooooh, good line! "No, these are souveniers from a break up" I like it.

Let's write a book, that'll be the title.

Either that, or "Victoria tested, McGone approved."

Letting go is hard sometimes though. I just found it a whole lot easier without the stuff hanging around too : )

Monday, November 20, 2006 10:04:00 pm  
Blogger McGone said...

You mean "let's write a series of books" because I can get a little long-winded. Either that or we'll need one hell of an editor.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 11:53:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Editor Schmeditor

we'll write a series. an epic series.

a 27 book trilogy!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 4:57:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About 2 weeks after I broke up with this one girl, I got a box in the mail. It was all the stuff she had that reminded her of me, with a letter that said "I dont need this anymore, you can keep it all" I threw it all away. :o)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 8:42:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Heh.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 4:27:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I volunteer to edit?? I think that would be a fascinating series of books to help produce! :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 4:49:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

For sure likalia!

We've got the rockinest team ever now!

Wooo hoooooo : )

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 10:06:00 pm  
Blogger danish said...

Whew! I've been gone a long time so I'm just catching up on all your posts now. @_@

So! You make an excellent point with this post. It kind of sucks, but it is healthier to get rid of everything. Clears up the mind better and probably quickens the healing process. Or something like that.

But if nothing else, if you keep pictures of you two together or things they gave you? It could be kinda weird for a new person that might like you. I mean, if I really liked a guy and he had pictures of his ex and teddy bears from her strewn everywhere, that'd be bad. Very bad. Not that I've experienced this or anything...

Thursday, November 23, 2006 6:51:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Danish, that's a totally good point, and one I hadn't thought of! Now I have this hilarious image of me walking into my next boyfriend's bedroomand seeing thirty pink teddy bears his ex gave him. LOLOL

Thursday, November 23, 2006 8:10:00 pm  
Blogger Norma said...

It also closes the door on future calls or conversations about "stuff."

Sunday, November 26, 2006 7:30:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Totally. And those calls are never good.

*shudder*

Sunday, November 26, 2006 10:06:00 am  

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