Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Instinct

I'm trying to trust my instincts more when it comes to relationships and the men I choose to be in relationships with.

I didn't do very well with this in my last relationship. My instincts told me early on that this wasn't someone I wanted to trust my life to, but I focussed on the "what might be" instead of what was and I focussed on the dreamy promises and feelings rather than what was actually happening.

I'm not going to do that again. Or, I'm at least going to make sure I'm checking in with my gut regularly and figuring out what it's telling me, or trying to tell me.

I'm not sure runner guy's that interested in me. It's in the way the emails and phone calls have dropped off. It's in the way he's no longer going out of his way to make time to see me. And that's ok. I'm going to listen to my instincts on this one and I'm not going to push things and I'm just going to see where it goes; or doesn't go. I'm ok with it. I didn't rush in to things so I won't be hurt if he isn't interested in pursuing things.

My instincts seem to be telling me that he's not the right guy for me right now and that I should just let things slide. Because these things have a way of working themselves out and there's no need for me to force happy endings where they don't belong.

Going to keep on checking in and trusting those instincts. That doesn't mean it's easy. But it does become clearer as you slow down and listen.

What are *your* instincts trying to tell you?

14 Comments:

Blogger Likalia said...

I'm trying to listen to my gut right now, which is telling me I have nothing interesting to say - of course I am not going to listen and post a comment anyway - does that still count? ;)

Happy April!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 9:11:00 am  
Blogger Tod said...

I guess it depends how good your intincts are. I'm a terrible judge of character and some of my favourite people are the ones I didn't get along with right off.

Then one time I sensed a guy at an interview didn't like me, and I got the job anyway and he became my boss. He made my life hell.

Oh I don't know, this life stuff is all so complicated!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 10:40:00 am  
Blogger Laura said...

Oh, yeah, I hear ya. If my breakup with Chris taught me anything, it's to listen to my intuition. But sometimes my gut feelings just generally get on my nerves. Like, for example, I've been talking to my ex (from 4 years ago, who lives in Toronto) since I broke up with Chris. And I'm stopping in Toronto for 4 days before heading to Europe, so we had planned to meet up, which seemed like a good idea at the time. And he booked non-refundable, fairly pricy tickets to see a show with me, and NOW my gut kicks in to say that I shouldn't see him. I get this uneasy feeling when I think about it. But I kind of think I have no choice but to go through with it now. GRRRR. Oh well, it's only 4 days tops...

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 10:53:00 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

My intuition is telling me to resign from my Maid of Honor, more like Maid of Hell position - I love my friend but she's type B and a waffler and with the wedding 4 months away there are no invites, no guest list, no colours, no caterer confirmed, no flowers/florist, no bridesmaid dresses etc- just a venue and a dress ordered that she's never tried on or seen... that was an impulse buy. I'm Type A and I've faught her on everything for the last 12 months - I give up - our friendship is worth more than a tacky dress I'll want to burn

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 5:14:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Likalia, I think you were right to not listen to your gut on this one! Happy April to you too! :D

Tod, I know what you mean, some of my favourite people I didn't like at first, but I'm not sure that's instinct...maybe that's judgement? But yeah, silly life stuff... all complicated and what not! ; )

I dunno Laura, maybe he can find someone else to go to the show with. Instincts is good stuffs, give em a good listen.


Yikes Jenn, that doesn't sound like much fun! Maybe an elopement ; )

Tuesday, April 01, 2008 6:59:00 pm  
Blogger Jenn said...

My instincts are saying that spring is NEVER coming and I should resign myself to a life in a land of snow and cold. I hope to hell my instincts are wrong!!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 4:14:00 am  
Blogger abstractjenn said...

My instincts are telling me to wait until I hear from Simmons until I make a decision about grad school even though the safety net in my head is screaming to accept at Smith since I've been accepted there.....

It's nice to have you back!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 5:36:00 am  
Blogger Alexandra said...

I never used to listen to my instincts- I was all rational, and in-my-head, but I'm slowly learning too. Of course, after being silenced for so long, they don't talk much now.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 10:32:00 am  
Blogger Yvonne said...

My instincts are telling me that I'm stupid about men. Period. lol

In the more distant past, I admit I ignored many warning bells and red flags. So I kind of deserved the grief. But in a recent debacle, there was none of that. Not a single red flag. It all felt perfect. And he shattered my heart into a million pieces.

Good for you, V! Unlike myself, you learn. ;)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 11:51:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jenn, I think there's a lot of people feeling that way! I'll cross my fingers for ya ;)


Abstract Jenn, hmmmm, that's a tough one..... can you tell Smith to wait a bit? Good luck with all that :D

And, it's nice to be back!


Alexandra, they're funny that way, huh? I'm sure yours'll start speaking up again :)


Yvonne,I think the fact that you know what you did proved that you're learning too! And the ones where you don't feel any warnings are the ones where it really throws you, eh? :(

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 5:05:00 pm  
Blogger The Single Girl said...

My instincts say ... trust your instincts.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 8:26:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Oooh. Your instincts have good PR!
;)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008 9:33:00 pm  
Blogger cat said...

Hi Victoria,

Just started reading your blog. I agree on trusting your instincts, and I'm going to try to put that into action more now.

Friday, April 04, 2008 10:56:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hi Cat! :)
It's hard to do, but probably worth it, eh?

Friday, April 04, 2008 4:45:00 pm  

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