Saturday, 16 May 2009

Hidden Agenda

I want to re-open this discussion because I'm still not convinced that single men and single women can be just friends.

But I may work on disproving this theory over the next few months.

Maybe.

Unless, of course, it's totally not possible and I end up with further proof of my assertation.

(Wait, why is that not a word?)

Ok, fine, further proof of my theory.

So, my fine friends, whaddya think?

26 Comments:

Blogger Mark said...

I want to say they can, but in truth, I don't think it's possible.

At the very least, not until the subject of sex has come up, and been dismissed.

That's my assertion, anyway ;-)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 8:00:00 am  
Anonymous Dominic said...

I think they can, but only if there's genuinely no interest in being more than just friends..

Saturday, May 16, 2009 8:17:00 am  
Blogger Mark said...

I think that is the problem. Most blokes would hit it even if they weren't that interested (me included in the past).

So to find a chick who you're genuinely not interested in bedding, even after 8 pints, but would like to be friends with - is unlikely.

That's why there's probably not many documented cases of a man and woman being "just friends" :-)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 8:29:00 am  
Blogger Elusive Butterfly said...

I have lots of guy friends. They disappear after they find a girlfriend and/or get married but they always come back around when the honeymoon period wears off. I like to think it's because I'm low maintenance conversation-wise and guys appreciate that when they're inundated with wifely nagging.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:29:00 am  
Blogger Likalia said...

So from the sound of it, women are completely capable of being "just friends" with men, but men on the other hand are not.

Perhaps showing women's ability to compartmentalize all aspects of their lives/emotions/needs?

Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:42:00 am  
Blogger Mark said...

I'll go with that. All down to men's penchant for thinking with little head I suppose.

But there again, we can't discover penicillin, electricity and Radar without some bad points ;-)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:49:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Mark, that's a good point, that maybe if the topic of sex has been brought up and dismissed things can then move forward... hrmmm.

Dominic, yeah, that's what I'm wondering though, how often is there "genuinely" no interest.


Mark, some would, some might not. . .

EB, "wifely nagging" heh. ;)

Likalia, maybe? Although I'm not sure I am, but that's because I'm worried there might be awkardness from his side.

Mark, I suppose you menfolk should get some credit for this discoveries
;)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 11:12:00 am  
Anonymous Dominic said...

Well, I'm single and so's the lady I live with, and we're having no problems staying just friends.. even after a *lot* of alcohol on occasion :)

Maybe it depends on the individuals in question..

Saturday, May 16, 2009 12:25:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well, there you go then! :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 12:31:00 pm  
Blogger Mark said...

Dominic... have you never, ever, hit it?

What about the talk? ever discussed having sex? :-)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 12:38:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

i've always been "one of the guys" except to some few special boys who see beyond whatever that "thing" is i put out there that makes me one of the guys... single, in a relationship, or whatever? more of my friends are guys than girls...and even some of my exes are my good friends...and my Michael's good friends. is that weird? if so? i totally don't mind being weird. we talk about dating, their girlfriends, my boyfriend, how to work thru girl/guy weirdness, what we mean, what they mean... i don't think of myself as "out there," nor do I think of my friends as such...we just connect. K, so is that out there?

Saturday, May 16, 2009 9:15:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I don't think it's weird D, nope :)
I wish I had similar friendships in my life :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 9:31:00 pm  
Blogger TheClock said...

I agree with what Dominic said about it depending "on the individuals in question." I have girl friends... no I mean ... friends who are female that are just friends.

I also agree with Likalia who said that girls are more capable of seeing guys as "just friends" than guys are of seeing girls as "just friends".

Sunday, May 17, 2009 1:55:00 am  
Blogger Raz said...

I think it can work, but it's risky. Make sense? I don't think so.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 4:42:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Speaking of personal experience, I would say that if guy and girl are passably good looking, and have no other commitments, then nature will take it's course :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009 10:46:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

TC, I think the people involved must have a lot to do with it.

Raz, what you said made sense, yeah :)

Jonathan, fair enough ;)

Sunday, May 17, 2009 2:47:00 pm  
Blogger The Last Single Girl said...

I have more guy friends than girl friends. And there is definately sexual tension between most of them and I. Even the ones where we have had the talk to not have sex b/c we are friends the sexual tension is there. The only guy friends I have that is not like are guys friends that i have totally no attraction to whatsoever. I guess it just depends on the two ppl whether they can be just friends are not.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:05:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah.... I'm starting to wonder if for me, the guys I'm not attracted to are attracted to me and the ones who aren't attracted to me I'm attracted to them and that's why I'm not having a whole lot of luck with the guy friends thing. It's probably more me rather than the whole shebang.

Hmmm, what you said made more sense to me than what I said! lol

Sunday, May 17, 2009 8:44:00 pm  
Blogger Ben said...

I'm joining in late here, but I have to agree that there are certainly some challenges between guys and girls being just friends.

I'm of the mentality that it can work depending on the individuals, but truth be told, there usually tends to be some attraction experienced by one or both individuals at some point or another.

What keeps the friends just friends is the respect for each other and the friendship. It's human to have that attraction or thoughts of what the other might be like behind closed doors. How you deal with those thoughts is what turns a friendship into a relationship.

Monday, May 18, 2009 12:28:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hmmm, yeah...

Monday, May 18, 2009 11:51:00 am  
Anonymous Single Girl said...

The most I've figured out on this topic is that there is no 'one size fits all' answer. Some can, some can't. I have guy friends, but all of them are in committed relationships with my best friends. If they weren't, would things be different? I don't think so, but who's to say...

Monday, May 18, 2009 2:24:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I think that probably is the answer SG, that there really IS no answer because it's going to be different for everyone :)

Monday, May 18, 2009 6:56:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

I have several guy friends and I have to say, only the married and gay ones have never made any kind of pass at me.
Oh wait, one of the married ones did, but he and his wife are swingers in an open marriage and that's a whole other story! So nevermind. lol

(And like you've experienced, a boy's interest in me seems to be inversely proportional to my interest in him. arggh Bad for both sides!)

I admit I kind of like the sexual tension of having a platonic (but sometimes flirty) male friends. ;)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 1:46:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

;)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 6:13:00 pm  
Blogger Wednesday said...

i have read your original post on this, and i am in the same page as you. i also do not believe that single men and single women will be JUST friends. this reasoning is idealistic as well, but here goes: single men and single women who act as friends AT ONE POINT or another see the possibility of love. at one instance, i think they'd fall for each other or want to be more than friends. this moment can be fleeting (and fast!) and this situation can also be one-sided (as in unrequited love). a little more on the one-sided part, there is a big possibility that only one of them comes to that point of attraction (the other one just haven't gone to that point yet, or never will if he/she is decisively not attracted).

so yeah. this discussion is interesting. :]

Friday, August 07, 2009 10:54:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Hmmmmmmm..... ;)

Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:35:00 pm  

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