Thursday, 30 July 2009

There Are Balls In This Photo On Purpose


Guys.

What y'all want to know about.

Well, most of y'all anyway.

Ok. Guys.

First of all, there aren't currently any in my life in a romantic way. Let's just get that out on the table shall we? Right.

It's been a while since I mentioned it, but I had a crush. Part of the reason I haven't talked much about it is that I know him through a part of my life that I don't talk about here.

No, not work, somewhere that I go, something that I'm involved with, something that allows me to grow and work on myself and somewhere that allows me to perform, which has been a saving grace and joy for me, but somewhere that I'm even less comfortable talking about than work. If you can believe that. So I didn't want to talk about the crush because I couldn't figure out a way to not talk about where we met, and how I know him, but since it's my blog and that puts me in charge, I'm just going to tell you that I met him at Not Work. Through Not Work. Yeah.

Met him and, actually, strangely enough, already knew him as one of the several (er, many?) cute guys at the gym, just never knew who he was or what his name was. (I just called him "that cute guy".)

So meeting him, for real, and already thinking he was cute turned immediately into a crush. Which was squashed (by me) because he had a girlfriend and I don't go there.

And then he didn't.

Have a girlfriend, I mean.

And we started hanging out, a group of us, and as I got to know him, the crush got bigger. And dreamier. And gigglier. Until I realized I was doing almost the same thing with him I did with Bird: dreaming up a relationship on what I didn't know about him instead of getting to know him and then dreaming up a relationship *if* he was worth it.

And knowing this I got weird. Like, didn't know how to talk to him weird. But a month or so ago, I got up the courage and just told him, because by this time I knew he wasn't interested in me. No, really, I did. Despite what my well meaning friends told me, I knew he wasn't interested. So I went ahead and told him that I'd had a crush on him and felt a little awkward around him.

There was a teeny tiny little part of me (ok, maybe it wasn't *that* small) that was hoping the conversation would turn into "Really? Because I have a secret crush on you too!" and we'd make out and live happily ever after, (what, it could happen!) but the door was firmly shut (and padlocked) when he responded with "Well, I'm looking forward to having an excellent friendship with you."

Which wouldn't have been so bad.

Except that he and another friend in the group realized that after years of friendship they have feelings for each other and are now dating. Which also might not have been so bad if they hadn't had this realization a week after I'd spoken to him.

It felt icky.

And rude, somehow, even though I know it was nothing personal, and even though I already knew he wasn't interested in me and even though I'd already figured it out before either of them did. Even though I saw it coming. Them, I mean. I saw them liking each other before they even knew they did. It all felt very high school.

Sigh.

So, that's about it, dating wise.

Well, except for the week-long hormone-driven crush I had on the guy's young (read: a bit too loud for my taste) but good looking best friend somewhere in there. Whoops.

So. Now you know.

Had a crush. Knew better than to continue said crush. Went ahead and continued crushing anyway. Learned the hard way. Am still single.

*Shrug*

8 Comments:

Blogger rookieblogger said...

You will probably hate for me saying this so go right ahead and hate me, but I think its a good think you went ahead and told him that you have a thing for him, atleast you know where you stand.. I had a mad crush on a guy for 2.5 years - yes that's how much of a loser I am.. and that so called crush has caused me so much grief in my life.. I know this is an extreme, but I think if I hadn't waited that long to tell him about my feelings I'd be so much better off today..

Thursday, July 30, 2009 8:53:00 am  
Blogger rookieblogger said...

and I meant thing in the second line above, not think.. ;P

Thursday, July 30, 2009 8:55:00 am  
Blogger High-heel gal said...

It sucks when your crush doesn't return your crush...especially after you've fantasized about your potential relationship, make-out sessions, wedding, etc. ;) (I do that too!)

Thursday, July 30, 2009 9:04:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Your blog could SO become a movie... except that's kind of stating that your life could!?

I didn't meant that to come out the way it did. I meant a movie that millions would cherish, in the same way that we all had our hope up for Ally McBeal in the first series... (before they started destroying it).

Although I've never met you, and probably never will, I bet you're amazing, and all these guys that don't realise it are idiots.

Not that I'm biased at all :)

Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:05:00 pm  
Blogger Single and Picky said...

V, I agree I think it's wonderful you said something, there are some of us *cough* me who can't get the chutzpah together and get it out there so that we (me) could go on and crush on someone else. Sure it feels high school, but sometimes I wonder if we write off our legitimate hurts and happiness by saying it's high school - maybe aspects of high school love is a good thing, the jump right in there, love to end all kinds of love, the butterflies and all that.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Rookieblogger, no, don't hate you at all! I think what you said is true and a good thing :) It has been much easier to move on from him versus the guys I crushed on forever and didn't say anything to.

High-heel gal, it does suck, but I'm glad you make up the same fantasy dream world stories I do about your crushes! *giggle*

Jonathan, it totally could be a movie! I wonder who'd play me? (And I know what you mean about Ally McBeal) :) And, I like your bias! I mean, your sensible view of my amazing-ness. :D

S and P, it took me a while, and it wasn't until I was kind of tired of the crush dragging on without hope that I went ahead and did it. There are other guys out there I've never been that brave with, so yeah.
And I think what I meant about it feeling high school, was the whole I like someone who likes someone who likes someone else because they like their ex boyfriend's sister kind of thing... that was very much my high school experience ;)

Thursday, July 30, 2009 6:34:00 pm  
Blogger dilling said...

they're never gonna make it.
just saying.

Monday, August 03, 2009 6:32:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Secretly high fives you!

Monday, August 03, 2009 6:40:00 pm  

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