Thursday, 18 February 2010

Hrm. . .


So I've passed the 40 days line I set myself in my non-resolution of the new year. It's interesting, that's for sure and it gives me something to focus my day on.

I'm just not sure it's a great thing. It certainly hasn't yet become what I'd hoped it would be.

I'd hoped it would be a means to force myself to take beautiful, amazing, stunning photos every day. It hasn't.

Sure, I take photos every day, and some mornings I've even woken up worried about when I'd find the time to take my photo for the day. See, I don't like taking photos inside my house because that usually means I've missed the natural light of the day and that sucks.

So when I wake up knowing that I'm already committed for the day to work and appointments and that I won't be able to find the time to whip the camera out until after dark I feel pressured, panicky. And that shouldn't really be happening.

Sure, I've taken some photos that I love. Photos that weren't taken this time last year; photos that wouldn't have been taken had I not been pushing myself to get out and take them and that's great.

But I'm not enjoying it exactly. I'm spending more time than I'd like worrying about when and where, when I'd really rather just have my camera ready for the times that work.

And that in itself is a positive change. Now on my way to work, I don't just carry my gym bag, I also carry my camera, that's good.

There are also days when the photos I take are not ones I love, and then I have to choose the one I dislike the least to post and that also sucks.

And there are days when I wish instead of posting a photo I'm not proud of, I could post a photo from another day; from one of those days when I took twenty, thirty photos I loved.

But I don't want to lie.

So I'm battling being ok with taking photos I don't like. And I'm battling with worrying about taking photos. Maybe that's all part of the process. I don't know. It's just one of the hard things about flickr; when I look around it seems like everyone else takes a stunning photo every day.

And I know that's an exaggeration, but that's what it feels like.

So I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing and why. I guess I'm trying to adapt. I just wish I had a go-to "it's dark and I need to take a photo inside" photo or something. Or I wish I'd let myself cheat. Or not post every day. Or something.

I dunno.

Maybe I'm just too hard on myself.

Or maybe I just need to expect less.

But that sucks too.

Tell me what to do? Tell me what to think?

Or something.

6 Comments:

Blogger "Julie" said...

my brother told me once to forget about "expecting things" from people, only expect that you will do your very best, and everything will come back to you in time...Chin up!

Thursday, February 18, 2010 10:45:00 am  
Blogger Stephanie Hunter said...

I think that (excuse me while I ramble for a moment) it's good that you set a goal to take a picture a day and that you do it. And I think that it's okay that they aren't all as wonderful as you want them to be because that's kinda like life. Every day I wake up and want to be met with something amazing and beautiful, but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes it's just life. It's a regular day, regular things to do, and so sometimes it's a regular photo. But then, like life you wake up to face a regular day and something amazing happens, that's like your pictures. Sometimes you expect just another photo, but then you find that you've taken something amazing. So I say don't give up. Enjoy the pictures you have taken because while they may not be as spectacular as YOU want, they are a part of your story and a part of a day in your life. Told you I'm rambling! (And, I'm feeling slightly incoherent, and may not make any sense!)

Thursday, February 18, 2010 10:47:00 am  
Blogger Red said...

I had the same plan, only not for the new year, for the year of my life.

It worked for about 6 months, then the pressure got too much, or i got too busy.

I still take a photo now and then, but i like photos better now that im not forcing them on me.

Good luck though, i hope you stick it out longer then i did.

Thursday, February 18, 2010 2:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Julie, (and brother) ;)

It made sense, Stephanie! :)

Thanks, Red, I'll see how it plays out.

Thursday, February 18, 2010 4:13:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

You are too hard on yourself! I love seeing so many new photos in your Flickr stream but it's okay if you miss a day or a few! ;)

Sunday, February 21, 2010 2:30:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Y ;)

Sunday, February 21, 2010 12:06:00 pm  

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