Thursday, 25 March 2010

Self-Reflection


A friend of mine recently told me that she thinks I'm highly invested in being single, maybe because I'm scared of getting into a relationship again and getting hurt or maybe for reasons I'm not even consciously aware of.

I asked her why she thought I was invested in being single, when in my mind, while I'm happy enough being single, would rather not be single. That seems to make sense to me.

She paused and said "Well, you do have an entire blog devoted to being single. You even called it Advice From a Single Girl, not something else. You're invested in being single. It's your identity; who you are."

Now, before you get in defense mode and say that this was mean of her or harsh of her, this is one part of a conversation taken out of context to illustrate a point, so it's not about what she said, and I know her intentions were good.

The point is, could she be right? Even a little?

In my mind, I was going to write about being single and then when I became no longer single, the "single" part of the title,well, I guess I figured I'd deal with that when the time came.

As for being invested? Well, sure, it's easier in a lot of ways to be single. The pain is under my control (or so it feels). I'm lonely because I'm single. I'm sad because I'm single. I'm angry because I'm single. Etc. Whereas when you're in a relationship that ends, the pain isn't under your control.

Or, I suppose I should say, it's never been under my control. I've always been the one who got hurt, got dumped, got left and that pain wasn't my idea.

So maybe there is a part of me that's trying to stay single. I'm not sure.

I know a couple of you who read here have changed your blog names, and maybe others of you have and I just don't know it. So is this blog keeping me stuck in being single? No. But is there a sense of karma or bad ju ju or something that the title is pushing my way? Do I need to move this blog or re-title it in order to tell the universe that I'm ready, willing, and waiting to be happily married?

I don't know.

13 Comments:

Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

No, that is just ridiculous. You can change the title of your blog to "advice from a 20-something girl" but if the Universe doesn't bring the right guy along...

However, if there are aspects of your life which are preventing you from meeting new people (and I don't think this is the case at all for you), then yes your friend might have a point. If you're spending Friday night going through dumpsters with your cats, then maybe you have a problem. But ogling hot bartenders, this is behaviour conducive to meeting other hot men :)

It is clear to me that your friend does not have a valid point. But don't take advice from me. I *refuse* to pay money for eHarmony, even though everyone tells me that it works.

Thursday, March 25, 2010 9:55:00 am  
Blogger dilling said...

i think you should stick with your title...then you can later give advice from another title...as your advice will be coming from a different perspective. you've always told us you're looking for love as well as a relationship. i think we'll all sign up for the sequel when you find what you want!

Thursday, March 25, 2010 11:53:00 am  
Anonymous Joel said...

Looking at your blog on the surface might lead one to think it’s your identity. And that identity could be seen negatively, especially by a not-worth-your-time boyfriend. This could raise questions like “why is this person so perpetually single, so much so they write a blog about it”? However, I think “Advice from a single girl” is a misnomer. Your Blog is more of a diary. You talk honestly and intelligently about what’s on your mind, and that includes being single. You are always so honest, which is why I like reading your posts. Please don’t change the title, which is great. It’s solid marketing. When people read that, it evokes an emotion, they know what to expect and everyone can relate. I don’t think that’s lost on you. Rock on Victoria!

Thursday, March 25, 2010 12:30:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about changing the meaning of single to something more ...... Well not associated to "being single" but like a single persons thoughts and life experience in the world rather than associating it with lonleyness or negative images.

Turn it around....besides being single is not what it used to be. And I do agree with the others saying that your blogs do not in any way reflect a person whom is unconciously trying or invested in being single.

Thursday, March 25, 2010 2:06:00 pm  
Blogger the one in the back said...

When I was in College, my screen name had an MD next to it...for motivation and good luck. But I didn't get into an MD school, but rather a DO school. And I love it! In the end, I'm still gonna be a doctor with all the rights and privileges my MD counterparts have.

Now, I will have D.O. instead of MD after my name. And it's just as cool, if not cooler. Bottom line, the name helped to motivate me in some way and kept me in a positive attitude. Really, the name means nothing, it's the mindset behind it that counts =).

Thursday, March 25, 2010 2:58:00 pm  
Blogger the one in the back said...

but that's not to imply that you aught to change your blog name. Far from it. In fact, it may be a perfect advertisement for Mr. Perfect out there, if he's willing to make you Un-single.

You can always put a strikethrough through the word "single," once you get all hooked up, which actually makes for an awesome statement for all other singles out there. That there's always hope. Ya just gotta hang in there.

Right?

Thursday, March 25, 2010 3:11:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Victoria
I agree with all of your loyal followers who have commented ahead of me. This blog, nor the title, define your identity. As a single guy I am pretty sure you have a completely normal life. Not everyone that would like to be in a committed relationship are. I like the idea about striking thru the word single when you finally are hitched. It will happen for you I am convinced by reading your thoughts and understanding all you have to offer someone...just hasn't happened yet but it will.
I absolutely believe there is no bad mojo with the name...bad mojo is just something that lives in your head. Tell your friend your in a positive, open position and if the name warrants a change in the future then you'll cross that bridge when you get there. We will follow if you allow!
"james"

Thursday, March 25, 2010 5:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Wait a second Ms B, are you telling me that I *shouldn't* be spending my Friday nights going through dumpsters with my cats? Because if so, I need to change my plans for the next few weekends...
Also, I tried eHarmony and it didn't work for me. So you can continue to ignore your friends who tell you it works! ;)

Dilling, I think that's just always how I saw it too. Thanks :)

Thanks Joel! And, yeah, I know what you mean about it being kind of a misnomer :)

Anonymous, I've often thought of it as meaning "single" as in "one" rather than "single" as in "not in a relationship" So... yeah.


Cool TOITB. (Even though I had to look up what D.O. meant!) :) And of COURSE there's always hope :D


Yes, the strikethrough could work James :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010 7:23:00 pm  
Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

Well perhaps just a change of neighbourhoods... ;)

Friday, March 26, 2010 10:20:00 am  
Blogger Susan Hymas said...

I wouldn't have found your blog if you didn't have "single" in the title. I found it looking for someone to relate too.

Friday, March 26, 2010 2:35:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Like, classier dumpsters Ms B ? ;)

Well, I'm glad you found it however you did Susan :)

Friday, March 26, 2010 4:46:00 pm  
Blogger cupcakemasta said...

As a girl investing in my own singledom (and admits so in my own blog title), I think your title is fine. I do not think it is keeping you single in any form of bad ju ju. My own blog is about me discussing how much fun it is to be single, how I get to cook/decorate/live the way I want compared to how I did before...I doubt there is any form of bad karma on this. If anything, we are showing how enlightened we are and how we learned from our experiences. And last I checked, learning experiences are never a bad thing.

Monday, April 12, 2010 2:11:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks! :)

Monday, April 12, 2010 7:48:00 pm  

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