Well Then

So who remembers the coffee date I went on that went nowhere? You know, the one that ended oddly? And then got me all riled up? And then he told me that he was actually starting a relationship with someone else?

Yeah, well, guess who emailed me yesterday wondering if I'd be interested in coffee #2?

And there's where my brain kind of explodes.

Where do I begin you guys? I ran through, quite possibly, the entire spectrum of emotions yesterday: triumphant, wary, flattered, giddy, angry, bitter, suspicious, hopeful, curious, happy, doubtful. . . you name it, I felt it, but I mainly settled on cautiously pleased.

I feel like I have to explain it carefully here, both for myself and for all of you who so wonderfully defended me and joined me in my hurt when he rejected me back in April. (And thank you again for that, it felt good to know I wasn't alone and getting a group hug from the internet helped cheer me up.) And as Ms B pointed out at the time, rejection sucks. Which it did and does.

There's a part of me that is glad to meet him again because it feels different this time. Like, because he's already turned me down (and we can argue that it was all timing, but really it was still a rejection) I almost don't care any more. The arrogant (and rarely practiced) part of me is thinking "well, he lost out and ain't going to get me this time either so there" and most of the rest of me is thinking "well, I guess if it doesn't work out this time it's no big deal because I've already seen a side of him I don't love and so he's not on a pedestal anymore" and then the tiny, little girly part of me thinks "Giggle. He still likes me! Giggle." And I just tell that part to hush up for now because we're cautious and not particularly trusting of this one.

Which again, may be a good thing.

See, I do have a tendency to go in to meeting a new guy with high hopes and open mind and heart and thinking that he *must* be the one because why else would the universe have thrown us together and he's probably practically perfect and look at all the wonderful things about him and aren't I just the luckiest girl in the world to be a potential girlfriend for him.

So it's going to be interesting going in to a coffee date with someone knowing that he's not. Not perfect. Not "the one". And that if anyone's lucky it's him to be hanging out with me again.

Oh, hello arrogant side, you're visiting again are you?

But am I maybe confused y'all? Yes.

Do I think we were all right in our initial reading of him as a not great guy for how he handled things? Possibly. I'm certainly keeping it in the back of my mind.

And that'll be interesting; to see how the date plays out. Because if I do feel an attraction, I'll want to tell him that it was lame how things went last time, but the little girl part of me thinks that doing that would make him not like me and man oh man I can't analyze it before hand or else the different parts of me all talk at once and I get stressed out and so it'll be interesting is all.

Because maybe there won't be an attraction. I remember we had good conversation, but was there an attraction? I don't remember, I got so thrown off by how the date ended.

I mean, do I want to fall in love? Yes. Do I think this guy is the one? No. Is this the first time I've gone into a date thinking this way? Yes. Could this be a good thing? Yes.

So I go into this cautious and wary, but also curious to see how it plays out.

I don't know, y'all, what do you think?