So, how, you may ask, did the second coffee date with that guy go?
Well, my friends, it went like this:
That? Is a big fat blank, by the way, a nothing, in case it wasn't clear.
Because since the message where he asked for the second coffee date he hasn't actually set it up. We've had a couple of short, friendly emails back and forth but I haven't heard from him now in a few days and he hasn't mentioned a *when* for this date.
So what this tells me is one of. . . well, three or four things I guess, depending on which voice I listen to.
Arrogant me says "Dude is so obviously not good enough or deserving of a date with me because he can't even be polite enough to email and set a time. If he's on the site, which the site says he is then can't he even say hello, or is he too busy dating five hundred other girls to bother?"
Always giving people the benefit of the doubt (even if they don't deserve it) me says "Well, he probably just has a busier lifestyle than I do (which isn't hard to do, really) so he's probably just busy and I know he's on the dating site every day but, hey, it's not like he's not allowed to date other people and be talking to other people on the site."
At which point arrogant me (who may also be angry me, sometimes it's hard to know) jumps in again and says "Oh come on! He's being rude! Kick him to the curb. Jerk knows what he's missing and obviously doesn't care that much. You want a guy who's been on one date with you and hurries to the next date with you. Not someone who puts it off and ignores it. Kick to curb!"
But then hopeful me says "Well now just calm down a minute. Maybe things aren't going as fast as you'd like but that doesn't mean the two of you won't hit it off and things'll progress from here, so right now, just relax and wait to see what happens."
And then some other me says "You know what? This has kind of pissed me off, I'm not great at waiting and I feel like he's been rude. It's possible I'm over-reacting (I've been known to do that) so if/when he does contact me again I'll go out and hang out with him. I don't think it's going to be more than a friendship thing, but at least I'll be able to practice "dating" a guy and it'll give me something to talk about so just be patient and don't get all worked up about it."
Then hopeful me whispers "But maybe it WILL be more than a friendship thing!" And the other me parts all sigh and roll their eyes but maybe one or two of them secretly giggle.
So I don't know how I feel or what I'm thinking right now except that I haven't heard from him and in my books that's not very polite, but maybe my books are too old fashioned for the on line dating world and I have to keep myself from trying to imagine what he's thinking because I can't possibly know that and maybe he's just looking to hang out and this really isn't a romantic thing at all but, well, I guess I'll find out one way or another eventually.
Assuming he emails me back one of these decades.
13 comments:
I agree with you! I'm not patient when it comes to responses either! Here is a tip, whenever if ever he emails with a time, tell him your busy....this way he doesn't feel you're waiting for him, but offer another time and see what happens. Other than that go on with your life like you would if this possibility wouldn't have come up!
Go on with my life? Can do! :)
My humble (oh so humble) opinion??
This hunter only wants to chase you, but not catch you. No matter WHAT he says, say you are busy if/when he finally sets a date for coffee. NO MATTER WHAT!
Because you are too good to just always be waiting in the wings...and whether you are or aren't, it could look like that given his flakiness and your reliableness(not a real word, I know!). This is the point to make it clear you need more forethought and more attention if this is to be something worthy of YOUR time.
Oh, listen to your "arrogant" self on this one please. Guys who think you're awesome don't do this. I've had that same argument with myself so many times and when I give guys the benefit of the doubt in these situations and put up with their indifference, I always get hurt. Guys who actually think you sound awesome will not act this way. It's not that he's being rude, it's just that you're merely a passing thought to him. To be incredibly cliche about it, he's just not that into you.
Coming from a guy's perspective: Go about your regular/usual life and forget about it. If he calls then make the decision then and there. Don't wonder/stress/obsess/plan/
*hang on let me get a thesaurus*
ahhhh nvm.
Just do what you do best. Be you. If it happens: it does, if not then you are the better for it.
Thanks Mlle Hautemess, and I think reliableness should TOTALLY be a word! :)
You know what Laura? I laughed when you said "he's just not that into you" because I still think it's a totally awesome phrase and don't think it's cliche at all! I love it and like to remind myself of it when necessary! :D
Good deal, Anonymous. I won't wonder/stress/obsess/plan/muse/puzzle/speculate/I could go on because there's a thesaurus on my dashboard/etc. about it. What will be will be ;)
OMG. This is exactly how my recent dating life has been...ah yes the joys of internet dating....so refreshing to know that I'm not the only woman who has several versions of "me" that surface when I'm trying to discover if/when I will hear back from the boy...so thanks for making me feel normal.
Yay Erin! Thank YOU for making me feel normal! :)
I soooo relate to this post... especially because you met him only once (keep that in mind) and he already plays a major part in your life (don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing, I couldn't, since I do the exactly same thing!).
I have a friend that told me once: "it's not supposed to be that hard" + "you are jewelry, don't take any other treatment than the one you deserve, if not for other reason, because men only want to date jewelry "... well, easy for a married man with twin babies to talk, but the "rational" me has to agree.
My take: go and find other prospects. If he eventually schedules a coffee, just think if it’s worthy to spend your time on a guy that is every day on a dating site when he could as well be building a meaningful and awesome relationship with you!
Good luck :)
Bisous
Anne
http://datingoneverycontinent.blogspot.com/
Even though I've never met you, and probably never will, how can anybody behave like that ??!?
If I was him, I would have been asking you what you're doing today.. or tomorrow... or failing that the day after.
Not that I'm biased at all lol
I think I tend to over-think about guys for sure, Anne. But, yeah, I'll go about my life and see what happens without worrying about it.
Not that you're biased at all Jonathan, nope :) But I think you might be surprised at how some guys treat some girls. And how some girls let some guys treat them (I've been guilty of this in the past)
Guy That Thinks He Is All That is being All... well, wrong actually.
;)
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