Wednesday, 25 August 2010

A First

Single, at a wedding, can mean something a little bit different than single the rest of the time.

When you're at a wedding and you're not married, you're single. Even if you came with a date. But when you go to a wedding and you don't have a date? Then you're even more single. You're the person everyone's wondering about. "Who's she here with? Who's her date?"

I've been wracking my brain trying to think if I've ever gone to a wedding solo before and the answer is a clear "No."

I've gone with a date/boyfriend. I've gone with my folks, but I think this was the first wedding I've gone to on my own.

Not that I was really on my own, I was a bridesmaid and therefore part of the wedding party, but there were moments where I felt very much single. And solo.

The other girls had husbands and childhood friends there to talk to and I knew the bride and the lovely family and friends I'd met the day before. So I had people to talk to, for sure, but when they were elsewhere, I found myself pushing away a sadness and refusing to give in to self-pity.

Sometimes though, when you're in a situation that's all about love and joy and happiness, you can't help but feel an emptiness at your side. My head was heavy without a shoulder to lean against. My eyes missed having a someone special to sparkle at.

There were moments where it was flat out hard. Moments where I was push push pushing myself through the sadness and hurt and disappointment and loneliness. But when those moments snuck up on me, I'd sit with it for a bit and then get up and shake it off. Wander. Find someone to talk to. Go dance to the next song. The dancing saved me. Cheered me. Made me happy and joyful and I'm very grateful for that. Thankful that I love to dance and love music and that there were others at the wedding who also loved to dance, so I was never alone on the dance floor.

I'm proud of myself, too, for going and being there on my own and taking care of myself and having a great time. It's good to know I can. But also, being one of the bridesmaids really helped. I felt like I was at least part of something, even if I wasn't part of a two-some.

I suppose if you go to a wedding single and aren't lucky enough to be part of a pre-made group like I was you'd really have to be strong and unconcerned about your single status. You'd have to be the kind of person who loved meeting new people and talking with strangers and who didn't mind sitting on the edge watching when the slow dances came on. You'd have to make sure you didn't take it all personally.

Which I didn't.

There's a wedding coming up, I think, this Fall and as far as I know, I'd be going completely on my own.

Which is going to have to be fine.

But you can't force me to be happy about it. I'm not sure I'm as mature as all that.


Blogger Mademoiselle Hautemess said...

Weddings are a funny thing- they rouse up some really deepseeded emotions that don't bother us on a typical day. At least for me, that is!

I have been invited to several weddings lately where I haven't been given a plus one...and that is even worse. Its like saying, "Now we want you to spend money to share our special day with us, but we know you are single and unlikely to have anyone meaningful to bring and we don't feel like paying for your companion to eat at the reception. Smooches!"

I HATE note even being given the option to bring a of the worst parts of being single! I think I should start RSVPing 'NO' to those....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 10:31:00 am  
Blogger Canadianbloggergirl said...

To be honest, I haven't been to a lot of weddings. In my single days I went to one and brought my best male friend (who is now my brother in law). But he was so hung over, he fell asleep at the church, and didn't even dance one song, so it was like being on my own. I didn't know anyone else at the wedding and it did suck. But it was for a childhood friend, so I had to go. Good for you to have the courage to go on your own! I hope you have a great time!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 11:00:00 am  
Blogger Toddy said...

I too was just that VERY single girl at my cousin's wedding two weeks ago surrounded by 60 family members of aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins. People kept asking me why i was still single and making fun that only if ZEUS came down from Olympus would I ever commit to anyone. Weddings are tough for us singles but hey, then I remember I get to have random hate sex with strangers and I feel oh so much better. Cheers!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 12:37:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing about weddings is instead of focussing on the couple getting married, you tend to just think about yourself and your situation...and that doesn't change when you get married.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 2:12:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Mlle, they sure do bring up stuff.
(I'm sure your friends wouldn't mind if you brought a plus one. Just invite me!) ;)

CBG, that's kind of a funny story though. Sorry it wasn't fun though :(

Oh man Toddy, I bet that Zeus joke got funnier as the night went on eh? :/

But, yeah single is better than some of the alternatives ;)

Weddings can be a real mix, Anonymous. Good to know some things don't change when you're married! :)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 8:37:00 pm  
Blogger Ness said...

I'm delurking (wow I'm a creep) to say that I attended my first wedding just a couple of weeks ago and I was the totally single girl who hardly knew anyone. Obviously I knew the bride and was in school with two other guests, but that was pretty much it. Awkward much? That day I got some weird looks as I sat alone, stood alone, drank alone, and clung to anyone who was remotely nice to me. I am pretty good at talking to total strangers so it wasn't horrible, but I don't think I want to go through that again. One saving grace was that there was no bouquet toss (with ummmm me and ummmmm me) and one school friend had a boyfriend who refused to dance. Yeah I hate weddings. Anyways, just wanted to say I was happy that someone else felt the same way.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 8:48:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Awwwww *hugs* (And, yes, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one) :)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 9:37:00 pm  

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