Instincts

I trust my instincts when it comes to my friends. But not when it comes to someone I'm newly dating, apparently.

See, I was sitting there this weekend thinking about one of my girlfriends and my instinct said "I want to give her a call and say hi, see how she's doing."

So I did.

I didn't bother over-thinking if I'd annoy her or interrupt her lunch or day, I just figured, if she was busy I could leave a message. So I called her, we had a good chat, and I hung up the phone smiling and feeling lighter, happier.

It was nice to trust that voice inside me that said "you want to do it, so do it."

I don't know quite how to trust that voice when it comes to dating someone.

Because that voice might say "text him, say hi, see how he's doing" but then the rest of me over-thinks.

"Well, you don't want to seem too eager."

"Maybe that'll annoy him, like you won't leave him alone. Maybe he needs space."

"He hasn't texted you since yesterday, maybe he doesn't want to see you anymore."

"He should contact you, not the other way round."

And things just get crazier from there.

When, if it had been a friend, I wouldn't have hesitated. But because it's someone I want to be involved with romantically, someone I don't know how they feel about me, I get myself all twisted up.

And that's not fair and it's not fun.

I guess I don't know how to trust my instincts when there's something to lose and when I don't already know the other person likes me. I already know my friends like me and I already know they're not going to abandon me over one text or phone call, but when it's someone new, that safety, that guarantee's not there and it's scary.

And scary's not fun.