Saturday, 17 September 2011


Morning by foundimagination
Do you guys remember Fen?

I guess I never really followed through on telling you what happened with him, but it's been on my mind and I guess now's the mental time.

I just re-read this while I was thinking about writing this post and it broke my heart all over again.

Back in Spring, I got in email contact with Fen and after he returned from his time away, I sent him a link to the post I'd written about him.

He thanked me and said it had been great re-living those old times and some of the things he'd forgotten about. He said that we should catch up by phone or Skype and I gave him my numbers and told him I felt...awkward, like I wouldn't know what to say.

I think I thought for a while that we'd arrange to get together and that things would be amazing and we'd figure out how to make the distance thing work and then time passed and life went on and while I'll never close my heart or life to him, I think I was ok with feeling like there was some sort of closure.

I haven't heard from him and I guess that means our lives aren't meant to be together.

I do hope that if he ever travels over this way he'll contact me and we can meet and see each other and just... be.

So I guess I just wanted you to know that I didn't really have anything to add to the story. I heard from him and then I didn't and while my dreams and imagination would tell things differently, this is where things are.

I love him, I miss him, and I wish things were perfect.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

He sounds like he's happy, and you should be too. You have the perfect memories of him, preserved for you and him to remember each other by. Its sweet, and so perfect.

Saturday, September 17, 2011 8:20:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...


Saturday, September 17, 2011 5:25:00 pm  
Blogger Yamuna said...

I like you - I think you're a good person. And it is not my intent to tell you what to do, of course. But I just returned from a life-changing 5 weeks in Spain - no itinerary, no one accompanying me, no CLUE about what was going to happen. I'd always wanted to go to Spain and so I just got on that plane. It was crazy, and it has changed me and my perspective and made me so very happy & content, and stronger! Also, I met so many incredible people that I wouldn't have if I hadn't done this by myself.
So what I'm saying is - maybe taking your mind off online dating, and men in general, will help. I know you have work, but if you can find a way to make it happen, I would greatly recommend just hopping on that plane to Azerbaijan (or, you know, elsewhere). [Of course, you might have done this already. I'm just assuming you haven't.]
You're a great girl - artistic, insightful, and you sound fun - so you will definitely meet that guy one of these days. And who knows, maybe you'll find him in Azerbaijan (or, you know, wherever).

Sunday, September 18, 2011 9:38:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Yamuna. Your comment made me laugh and cry all at the same time. :D

And good for you! (And now I just have to get braver) ;)

Sunday, September 18, 2011 4:54:00 pm  
Blogger Mizkay said...

Eek--I wish I were as brave as Yamuna too! I've been thinking of leaving everything (except my cat; she goes with me!) and moving somewhere to start fresh or new or whatever the hell people say... Things have become so stagnant, boring, and yes, a little sad, in my life here. And yes, men are certainly at the root of all that still sadness.

But I've also learned that no matter where you go, and especially if you keep your heart open (no matter how hard you try to keep it guarded), there will always be someone there to get close to you. That's the beauty (any annoyance!) of life.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011 8:56:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

It's sad that we get sad about men, eh? *sigh*

Tuesday, September 20, 2011 4:50:00 pm  

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