Wednesday, 7 September 2011

What I Did

When things went off with Chad and I, I kind of had that feeling that they weren't going to go back to where they'd been. And because I didn't want all my eggs in what was looking like a faulty basket, during the week he wasn't speaking to me, I went back on line and "un-hid" my profile.

My thinking was that if things went well, I would just re-hide my profile but if things didn't go well, at least I wouldn't feel like no one wanted to talk to me.

At first it was a little disheartening because sometimes you're on these sites and it seems like there's nothing. Or, to put it politely, no one you're interested in getting to know.

I got a little un-nerved by the sixty five year old man who added me to his favourites list, but I just removed myself from his list and moved on.

When Chad ended things, I got back on the metaphorical horse that very evening and sent a couple of messages to some new guys.

I think I really wanted to prove to myself that there was going to be someone again in the near future who WOULD want to be with me and I think I wanted to lessen the blow and the thoughts of "I'm not pretty/attractive/good/nice" enough.

I'm not sure it was the wisest thing, but I ended up going on a date that same weekend.

Well, I call these things "dates" but they're really just a blind-meeting-a-complete-stranger moment.

The guy was nice enough and I wish I had a single girlfriend I could set him up with, but I just wasn't interested.

I don't know if it was him or me just not feeling it or if it was me comparing him to the connection I had with Chad, but I didn't particularly want to see him again once we were finished our time together.

I'm not someone who thrives in these kinds of situations. I know for some people the whole experience of meeting a new person and talking to them and getting to know them is a really fun adventure. And for me, it's just something that I find tiring and something that I get nervous about and something I don't love doing.

Except meeting Chad for the first time was none of these things.

When I was finished meeting Chad, I felt giddy. Energized. I couldn't sleep.

The time had flown by and had been effortless and fun.

And, let's be honest, I was attracted to him. He was very attractive.

So I don't know what to do about meeting someone right now.

I've got three other guys I'm talking to and they'd all like to meet and I feel like I *should*, but I don't know if I want to. I'm not sure I find any of them attractive enough to be excited about, and our conversations have been nice via the messages we've sent back and forth but... they're all just missing that... something.

But, yeah, I did go on a date and I guess that's a good thing. I guess it's making it less scary the more I do it, right?

Sigh.

10 Comments:

Blogger Old MD Girl said...

Aw! Just go meet them. You never know where you'll find Mr. Right, and sometimes it's just a numbers game.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 8:32:00 am  
Blogger Kas said...

Go!!

GO!!!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 9:16:00 am  
Blogger JUST ME said...

I JUST signed on to dating site a few weeks ago. I don't really like meeting complete strangers either...but it was hard to meet normal guys in normal situations, so I decided to try this.

Fingers crossed. Double crossed.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:25:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

keep going out there! i agree, it's a numbers game. there is a great book called "the between boyfriends book" by cindy chupack and she has a story in there that you need to have at least 17 dates before you have a good one. so you've got 16 more bad dates to go. (p.s. it's total chick lit, but worth a read because it will put a smile on your face). i am having the same trouble and have decided to do my best to get back on the horse (even if sometimes that horse ends up being a donkey ;) )

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:48:00 am  
Anonymous Mrs. Wilson said...

Oy. Dating is hard. xoxo

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 11:46:00 am  
Blogger AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

Going out with other gents got me over my bout with heart ache from a suitor I had earlier liked (which was reciprocated on his part for a short time). Trust me, moving on is hard to do, but what do you have to lose if you don't try it? I know it sounds cliche, but if you don't put yourself out there it could just prolong your yearning for Chad.

Go out and conquer the world with your eyes wide open!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 2:37:00 pm  
Blogger Everyday, Average Supergirl said...

I totally know what its like to want a guy and think you had a great connection but he totally isn't worth you. Go for some other attractive guy. I mean, whats not to like about you?

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 3:34:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Fair enough MD Girl :)

Ok, ok ok Kas! ;) said...

Good luck Just Me!

Oh no Anonymous, 16 more? Waaah! ;)

It can be Mrs. Wilson...

I'll see what I can do Bridget :)

Yeah Supergirl, you're right ;)

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 10:10:00 pm  
Blogger Dateafrenchman said...

Remember, some guys just aren't very good at writing so you don't feel a connection right away. And then you can meet them and be totally surprised. Just don't put your Chad on a pedestal - we have a tendency to idolize guys we thought we really cared about when in reality they were just emotionally unavailable. Instead, go out on a few dates and see what's out there. You're not committing yourself to anything, you're just getting dressed up and going out for a fun night. Who knows, you may eventually fall on someone you might really like...

Friday, September 09, 2011 3:01:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Fair enough :)

Saturday, September 10, 2011 11:47:00 am  

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